Just when I thought maybe I was gaining ground on this whole patience thing, my children took it to a whole new level.
A level that includes kicking and hitting and screaming and public tantrums. Four in the last week. I am afraid to go anywhere with my children lest they have another one.
Big Sister has an ear infection, so that explains a little bit. But not all.
I've tried everything I know to try. Including a lot of yelling. Which I had been trying NOT to do.
I've had a lot of support from some great Mommy-friends. It's helped me to see that I'm not alone. And that I'm not completely single-handedly screwing up my children.
But I am still feeling discouraged and disappointed in myself.
This evening I finally won a power struggle with Big Sister by remaining calm and ignoring her aggression and giving her some choices/consequences. I stood my ground and it worked. But it took being in our own home (so she could cool down in her room), having Little Sis out of the house, and patience I didn't even know I still had left. Still, it re-infused a little hope into my weary Mommy-soul.
But I'm still feeling the depletion.
On the bright side, I'm reminded of my frail humanity and my utter dependence on God. It makes me think of that line from Derek Webb's Mockingbird, "I'll do all I can/to be a better man/I'll clean up this act/and be worse than when I started..."
There is a verse I've been coming across LOTS lately. I wrote it out & stuck it where I could see it every morning. It's Isaiah 40:11.
"He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young."
Thanks to all of you who are being the gentle hands of the Shepherd, encouraging moms like me. I think I'm just going to rest here, close to His heart, for a bit.
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