In the Ashes

I've attempted to post this for two days, but I keep having html errors. It's quite frustrating to hit "publish post" right before my 15 minutes is up, only to see that hateful yellow & red box come up. I can't tell you how many things I have wanted to google in the past few days- especially now that I have a sick baby and limited time on WebMd and Babycenter. I never noticed how many times people tell me "I'll send you a message on facebook" or "I'll just e-mail it" until those words began to make me cringe! On the other hand, I have accomplished quite a bit: I finished countless loads of laundry, vacuumed, cleaned the kitchen, sorted through old books to sell, started Sean's book The Letters, played with my girls, stuffed bags for Upward Awards Night, and finished The Letters. And I've also found more time to pray and be still. So far, it's a rough but rewarding process.

A few days ago I read an excerpt from Jacob the Baker by Noah benShea. He says he wrote this particular story to help himself & his father cope with a diagnosis of ALS (read about it here.) While not exactly the same symbolism as the ashes worn all over the world on Wednesday, I find this to be an equally beautiful picture of Lent and the life/death of Jesus. After all, what struggle can we face that he has not also experienced? What can threaten us that he has not conquered? Even if the struggle is, as in my case, a silly one against yourself, He has been there.

“Life is often heavy only because we attempt to carry it,” said Jacob.

“But I do find strength in the ashes.”

“In the ashes?” asked Mr. Gold.

“Yes,” said Jacob with a confirmation that seemed to have traveled a great distance.

“You see, Mr. Gold, each of us is alone. Each of us is in the great darkness of our ignorance.

And each of us is on a journey.

“In the process of our journey, we must bend to build a fire for light, and warmth, and food.

“But when our fingers tear at the ground, hoping to find the coals of another’s fire, what we often find are the ashes.

“And in these ashes, which will not give us light or warmth, there may be sadness, but there is also testimony.

“Because these ashes tell us that somebody else has been in the night, somebody else has bent to build a fire, and somebody else has carried on.

“And that can be enough sometimes, that can be enough.”

My time is almost up. To those of you taking on the same challenge, or another of your own, carry on.