Fat Tuesday, Large Blog

I'm afraid the title of "Fat Tuesday" might be taken literally at our house this year. We've been doing well with our weight loss plan thus far, but today could offer a setback. John has decided to give up meat for lent. Since I don't feel like cooking separate meals for two people (three actually because Hannah rarely eats what we do) I am going to join him. Since it's not officially my Lenten sacrifice, I may still have an occasional turkey sandwich for lunch while John is at work. I don't want the lunch meat to go bad! But other than that, our house will be meat-free for the next 46 days. We actually don't even eat that much meat to begin with- we usually have more than one meatless dinner during the week, and even when I do use chicken or ground beef in recipes I often don't use full servings. But there is something about officially saying "No meat" that makes the mouth water for a big fat cheeseburger. And this brings me to my original concern- that my husband's Fat Tuesday indulgences will set us back a pound or two in our weight loss efforts. Not that I will be complaining when he walks in with the greasy bag filled with burgers from Five Guys. No, I will be too busy devouring my cheeseburger (how long has it been?!) and dunking my fries in the Five Guys special malt vinegar to complain. The complaining will wait until I step on the scale tomorrow morning. Or when the Wii fit plumps up my Mii a little more than I'd like. But I do want to support John in this big challenge, so I will also support him in his "last supper."

As a kid growing up in Cincinnati, I was immersed in the Catholic culture. All of my friends went to mass. They got gifts on St. Nicolas' feast day and Christmas. They went to a lot of festivals. The schools served meatless meals (or fish) on Friday during Lent and often year-round. (On a side-note, many cultures fast from meat during this time, so John is actually joining in something shared by the saints throughout the history of the church.) And they talked about what to give up for Lent. Some would give up something that meant very little to them, like bubblegum. But others sought to give up something they would really miss. The season of Lent is supposed to be a preparation for Holy Week. A time to reflect upon, and in some small way share in, the sufferings of Christ. It's not a time to hold back and pick something "safe." And it's not a time to just try and break bad habits (although if that's a side effect, I'm sure it would be fine!) It's about clearing a path for the coming King. Getting distractions out of the way and filling them with contemplation. Preparing the way of the Lord.

So, what am I giving up for Lent? I've pondered this one for a while. Since I'm still nursing, I've decided to stay away from giving up any particular food. Besides, I'm already dieting, so that would not necessarily be something new to turn my attention and cravings toward Christ. Instead I've decided to give up an activity that I often call my "default setting." When my mind & body are tired from mommy-dom, when I need to tell someone something silly (or awful or sweet or whatever) about my day, when I'm overthinking something and need to clear my head, when I need to research something to feel more in control of a situation... I come here. To my faithful desktop. When I need a break, I can't wait to flop into this chair and be whisked away to the world of blogs and facebook. If John beats me to it, I can literally feel my stress-level rise as I wait for my turn. I don't think blogging or e-mail or facebook are bad- in fact, they have all been a tremendous encouragement to me as a stay-at-home mom, and in some cases I would consider them to be blessings (and even ministries). But too much of a good thing is not a good thing. How can I find time to read 10 blogs before going to bed, yet I struggle to stay awake during bedtime prayer? Why is it that I rush to get my quiet time in before the girls get up, yet spend the quiet times during the rest of the day checking facebook? And worst of all, why is it that when something is truly bothering me, I prefer to take my mind off of it with a round of scramble, rather than meeting it head on, tackling it, and dragging it into my prayer closet?

I want a new default setting during this season of Lent. I want to turn to prayer, to reading scripture or an inspirational book, to giving time to my family or to others. I have to be realistic- I still need to be able to be in contact with the outside world, and I still think God has things to share through my bloginess. But instead of all day long, I will limit myself to 15 minutes once a day. That should be enough time to correspond and update, but not enough time to wander aimlessly through search engines. I'll hopefully still have time to blog, although it might be shorter (I know what some of you are thinking- be nice!) Will I feel like I'm missing out on things? Sure. Will I actually miss out on some? Maybe. But it will be worth it.

John wanted me to clarify about this whole "no-meat" thing. He wants people to know that it isn't just because he is overly-green (although he is) or because we've got big social consciences for the treatment of animals (we do). It's not because meat is expensive. It's because, to use his word, it is a craving. When he is out to eat with the guys, watching them gnaw on ribs while he eats his rabbit food, he will want meat SO bad. And it will remind him: that's how we're supposed to feel about God and His righteousness. Hopefully the same will be true for me. When I am desparate to hear a word of wisdom from someone, I won't seek my mommy friends on facebook or even the wisest of bloggers- I'll be reminded of the Source of all wisdom. When I am troubled and seeking a place to hide, I'll remember the Rock. When I inadvertently flop into my comfy black office chair, I'll be reminded of The Comforter. It's funny, we're supposed to be giving up things, but I'm excited about what we'll be gaining in their place.

On you I meditate, and as I think, my soul it faints for you.
You are my drink, you are my feast
You are my love, my soul's own King.
-Charlie Hall