A month

I know.

It has been almost a month since I last updated this blog. Why?  I'm not sure.  A combination of busy-ness, preoccupation with other things, and a classic case of writer's block, I suppose.

For starters, I gave up Facebook for Lent.  Those of you who know me well know that this was almost like trying to give up sweets. (Which my husband attempted, by the way. It didn't last.)  I am a Facebook addict.  I actually deactivated my account so that I didn't 1) accidentally forget and check it one day since it is my "default" setting and 2) find some "legitimate" reason to check it that was work or emergency related.

What I've found while away from Facebook is that the ego-centrism that Facebook promotes (getting on facebook and telling the entire world that you accidentally bought whipped peanut butter or cried during Gray's Anatomy, as if anyone needs to know these things) has become the opposite.  Now I feel disconnected and insignificant.  Other people, my friends, are sharing jokes and swapping opinions that I am missing.  And they are not missing me.  The Facebook world goes on just fine without my sharing the cute little things my kids said throughout the day. 

It made me wonder if blogging was equally insignificant.  If it really mattered at all.  Try posting cute pictures of your kids with that going through your head.

The truth is that I started this for myself and for my girls.  To remember these quickly passing years in our family with more than just pictures, but with scenes and reflections.  So, I guess I'll go on sharing that Sophie stole the snack bag from our Ohio trip out of the pantry while we were watching Rio with friends, and that she ate three bags of trail mix, a pop tart, and lots of applejacks.  I'll write about how I woke to find Little Sis standing in my doorway last night, and when I asked her why she was in my room and what she needed (like ten times) she finally answered, "I don't know the truth, mom."

Neither do I, Little Sister.  But I'm trying to figure it out.  And put it into words to keep.  For you. For me.

We care.

"Happiness is the way"

This is for a few special people on my mind lately:

• my kiddos who can't wait to be "big enough for _____" (fill in the blank with developmental milestone of your choice)

• the other mommas like me eager to move beyond "this stage"- whatever the current challenge might be, but also wishing they could keep their little ones little

• the family member coping with the continued consequences of a terrible violation of trust

• the co-worker anxious to find a full-time job and "start life"

• and the wonderfully strong woman whose diagnosis this week shocked us all into remembering to treat each breath as a precious gift.

"For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin- real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one. Happiness is a journey, not a destination."

— Souza

Song for Sunday: a holy flame that burns

All To Us
Chris Tomlin

Precious cornerstone, sure foundation
You are faithful to the end
We are waiting, on You, Jesus
We believe You're all to us

Let the glory of Your name be the passion of the Church
Let the righteousness of God be a holy flame that burns
Let the saving love of Christ be the measure of our lives
We believe You're all to us

Only Son of God sent from Heaven
Hope and mercy at the cross
You are everything, You're the Promise
Jesus, You are all to us

You're all to us

When this passing world is over
We will see You face to face
And forever we will worship
Jesus, You are all to us

Song for Sunday: Didn't they try?

This song used to play all the time on the "oldies" station in Birmingham. I know it's probably a little cheesy, but I can't get it out of my head this weekend.

Abraham, Martin and John
written by Dick Holler, recorded by Dion

"Didn't you love the things they stood for?

Didn't they try to find some good for you and me?"

I had enough!

Over the past few days, I had been growing more and more frustrated with my hair. It had been years since it was so long, and the foggy fall weather, wild children, and other factors left it a tangled, frizzy mess by the end of the day. I was always wadding it up and pulling it back. I was almost ready to pull it out. I'd had enough.

So today I went to get it cut. I told Hubby before I left that I might decide to go short. It had been a while since I took off any real length. I grabbed a coupon for Great Clips, assuring him that if the $9 haircut was a disaster, I'd call my friend/co-worker and beg her to fix it. If she weren't busy packing up to leave town and all of us (boo!) she would be the one cutting it anyway. I was a little nervous as I left; It's pretty tough to mess up a haircut with my curls, but it can happen.

It didn't, though. Actually, it all worked out perfectly. I met a fantastic (and talented) stylist, and had a great time talking with her (and I don't know about you, but I'm usually pretty awkward with haircut conversation). I found out that she lives super close to our church and ended up leaving my phone number with her in case she wants a friendly face if she decides to come on a Sunday or Wednesday. She said she'll be in touch, and I kind of believe it.

Another reason it worked out perfectly: once she started combing out my hair and we saw how long it was when straightened, I found out I could actually spare 10 inches for Locks of Love. I had enough. It was the extra push I needed to cut it all off!

I know people who have intentionally grown their hair extra long for Locks of Love. The process itself was part of their gift, their sacrifice. I kind of feel like I cheated a little, since I just had to cut off the crazy length I had let accumulate over way too long, but it's okay. I had enough, and I hope that it helps.

An added bonus: Great Clips cuts hair for Locks of Love for free. I completely forgot until she rang me up. I had enough to treat myself to some new product!

I'm thankful for being able to give. I'm thankful for a new, easy look and a new friend.

I'm thankful that God is always providing. More than enough.

An (almost free) opportunity to give through Compassion-

I got an e-mail from Doug, my Regional Advocate director at Compassion yesterday with an opportunity to touch the lives of children in Compassion projects all over the world. Here is what he said:

We can collect letters and Christmas cards for children in our projects that have never received a letter! Send them to:

Compassion International
Attn Candy Entingh
12290 Voyager Pkwy
Colorado Springs, CO 80921

BUT…they have to arrive at GMC by November 23rd, in order for them to get into the system and arrive for each child to receive them BY Christmas.

There are over 1,400 children in HAITI alone who don’t yet have a sponsor! Just write out a card or letter leaving out any attempt to address a particular child by name and let them know you are praying for them and thinking of them this Christmas. Share your faith, share your words of love and encouragement – but be sure to share something! It will take just a couple minutes to write out a quick card.

Let others know and send as many as you can by this weekend!

I pulled out a box of various Christmas cards, the kind we are sent free every year from American Bible Society or ASPCA, and have been writing a simple message about the love of God and the gift of Christ this Christmas. I've said a little prayer for each child that might receive the card. When they're all finished, I'm going to put them all in an envelope and drop it by the post office. I was even thinking I'd use the $0.41 Christmas stamps I found in my Christmas Card organizer to pay for the postage on the envelope. Easy, inexpensive, but we'll never know what effect these little letters and thoughts will have on a child half-way around the world.

Will you join me?

I guess I should mention that if you want more information about Compassion or are interested in sponsoring a child, you can check out my Widget on the left, the sponsorship birthday banner on the right, or click here.

Giving Challenge Catch-up

It's day 10 of the 30 Day Giving Challenge, and even though I haven't mentioned it in a few days, I have been trying to keep up.

Over the past few days, I sent some small toys to church for our afterschool program for their "rewards shop," packed some old towels and sheets in Big Sister's backpack for the county Animal Shelter, dropped some money in a Salvation Army kettle, sent canned goods to work with Hubby for another collection at church, and mailed a donation to March of Dimes.

I have to admit, there are times I feel like I'm running out of ideas. The other day, I spent a little while catching up on the paid survey invitations I had from Opinion Outpost, and I donated about $1 to the Red Cross from the "consolation screen" at the end of surveys for which I didn't qualify. I was sick at home and not really able to do much of anything else, but I know that was a stretch. Still, I decided to count it for the challenge because the continued streak of giving is a little extra motivation.

Really, though, checking something off of my list or keeping this going for however-many days in a row shouldn't be my motivation at all. My motivation should be to give to others for the glory of our generous God, the Giver of all good things. That ought to be all of the motivation I need.

So let me rephrase what I said earlier: The continued streak, the challenge to give for 30 days in a row, is not some legalistic thing I'm doing because I feel obligated. And it isn't a contest I want to win or an achievement for which I want to earn bragging rights. It's simply a way to challenge myself to get creative and keep going, a way to hold myself accountable for what I say I believe.

It is only as good as the heart behind it.


Lord, search my heart. Teach me how to give from the depths of it. Show me opportunities to give and love like You. And forgive me if I ever make it about myself. Amen.

Day 3 of Giving Challenge

I feel kind of weird sharing these, although I do have some reasons for doing so. I want to be held accountable, for one. For another, I'd like to hear ways in which you all are giving to others this month (hint, hint... leave a comment!). And maybe, just maybe I can share a fresh idea with you as well. But the Bible is very clear about giving or praying or doing anything to impress people rather than please God.

So today, let's just say that my kiddos had an overabundance of something and I encouraged Big Sister to share with a friend. And it makes my heart smile.

How about you?




Wondering what is going on? Here's a link to my first day of the challenge.

And you can go to the official site by clicking on the button under the blogroll. Happy Giving!

Day 2 of the 30 Day Giving Challenge

Today, while bringing out our winter wardrobes, I cleaned out closets and got together a bag to take to Goodwill. It's not a very big bag because I do this fairly often, but I did find myself finally getting rid of some of those "hesitation pieces" that have stayed stashed away in the past. The truth is, we're blessed to have much, much more than enough. The question I'm trying to ask is not "Could I wear this?" but rather "Do we need this?" I'm not very good at it. It's tough. But I'm trying.

I know there are many other organizations in our area that accept donations for resale and community programs. Sometimes we take things to America's Thrift Store or the local Baptist Association project. But I seem to default to Goodwill, without thinking. So today I reminded myself of their mission and impact. Good stuff. Important stuff. You can read it here.

How about you? How are you giving?

Giving Challenge

I'm joining other bloggers and social media users and accepting a challenge to give in some way every day for the month of November. It might be a monetary gift or donation, or it might involve the gift of service or time. It might be huge, or it might seem insignificant. Whatever it is, each day, it will be done to bring glory to God, the Giver of all good gifts.

Today is the first drop-off day for Operation Christmas Child at our church. Big Sis just got home from school and is enjoying a snack and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, but when she is finished, we're putting together our boxes. I've been looking forward to this since last year! I've even been planning for it when I buy (read: get free & stockpile) toothpaste and toothbrushes and other toiletries with my couponing. So far, we've got two boxes to fill: both for young girls like Big & Little Sister. They'll contain toiletries, hair accessories, hard candy, a jump rope, a stuffed animal, a small fleece blanket, socks, other small toys, art/writing supplies, and more. I've gotten most of the things over time, but the girls will get to pick out a few special things themselves, too.

So that's Day 1. Twenty-nine more days of giving to go. Want to join me? Share in the comments what you're doing to give this month. And check out the 30 Day Giving Challenge site, including their lists of ways to give and of other bloggers who are participating.

Happy giving!

A battle to the finish

And by finish, I mean either the end of ridiculous behavior on the part of my children.

Or the end of me.

Whichever comes first.

It's uncanny- whenever I try to do something right, it seems that my children are conspiring agents in an attempt to derail me.

Mom wants to get up early to read her Bible & pray that she won't lose her mind today? Let's get up right when she does. Or exercise? Ha. We'll stop that.

Mom and Dad want to work together on a theater production that will minister to people while simultaneously reminding them of their non-parenting gifts and some of the reasons they fell in love (way before we came along)? Ha. Let's flip out at the loss of routine and get up numerous times in the night to compound the lack of sleep we're all feeling. Even better- we can act like nutballs from the very beginning. Let's run around while Mom tries to audition. We might even be able to make her try and give up... or cry. (They did.)

Mom wants to end her isolation after the dreaded Barnes & Noble incident? She actually thinks she can deal with both of us in public? We'll show her.

Our parents want to have friends? So what if they are friends we like? We can't let this healthy thing take place. Let's start acting up the day before they're supposed to get together- every time. Mom will stress out and want to give up way before she gets the house ready or fixes a meal. She might cancel. And if not, well, we'll find a way to ruin the evening...

Mommy's gonna try to blog again, huh? Let's give her some stuff to gripe about. ;)


Okay, so I know (or hope) my kids aren't that malicious. But it does sometimes seem this way. And if I'm not careful, I can let this perception affect the way in which I interact with them. I'm really, really angry with Big Sis this morning. She has completely flipped out over four ridiculously small things in the last 24-hours. Yesterday morning, it was because Little Sis interrupted her at breakfast. Last night it was because we couldn't see the animals after soccer practice, and because I refused to give her gum after the first outburst. This morning, after a smooth morning getting ready for "Western Day" at school (jeans, cute plaid shirt, braids and a sheriff hat) she cried & screamed because she wanted to wear boots. The girl has NEVER owned a pair of boots.

Each of these times, she has totally LOST her mind. And sometimes Little Sis follows right behind her. The educator and psych major in me is analyzing it all, trying to figure out what to do differently, trying to ignore or react appropriately and decide on logical consequences. The mom in me is trying not to lose my cool, doing my best at warding off Mommy guilt, and thanking my husband for investing in a punching bag a few years ago. The human in me- well, she's not taking it so well. She's pretty quick to want to throw in the towel.

And that's the thing about all of this. If I'm really being attacked, it isn't my kids. My kids are kids. They get tired, or hungry, or anxious, or just plain ornery. No- if these are attacks, they have a much deeper spiritual implication and it comes from a place where my weaknesses, my deepest fears and my most sensitive tipping points are well-known.

A friend of mine from college, one with whom I have reconnected on Facebook and blogging, has been faithfully preparing to move to a new state with her family so her husband can serve in a new ministry position. Yesterday I saw on facebook that their car wouldn't start- the day before they are set to move.

And of course, there is the family of little Caleb.

I'm totally not the "spiritual warfare" type person- I've never read This Present Darkness or anything, but it sure seems like something is out to hinder and hold us back from obeying and serving and becoming better examples of Christ. And, while I don't believe God causes these things, big or small, to happen, I DO believe He can be glorified in how we respond.

I'm trying to do what Caleb's family has done. What my friend is doing. Here is what she said on facebook last night: "I have had better days, but so many people are experiencing worst, so I'll put on my big girl pants, praise God for the stuff that really matters and move on!"

Of course- before I could finish typing that, Little Sis interrupted about 40 times, the dog got all wrapped up outside and demolished a rhododendron in the back yard, Hubby got grease or something from the car on his pants as he was leaving for work (in the van with the donut tire that he had to jump to get it to start, by the way) the housework is piling up and on it goes... small things, I know. Frustrations. Attacks? Opportunities.

If I pray for you (and I will), will you say an extra prayer for me?

More on Caleb

Wow! Caleb's facebook profile has reached its limit of 5,000 "friends" (prayer partners, really). He has graduated to a "fan page" that people can follow by clicking "like." Here is the link.

They are continuing to have some encouraging results: while still in a coma, he no longer needs a breathing tube and briefly held his head up for the P.T. His family is hoping for a transfer to Atlanta in the coming week. Keep praying!

Song for Sunday: unashamed to call me your own

I am Your Beloved
words & music by Brent Helming, Vineyard Music

Lord it was You,
You created the heavens.
And Lord, it was Your hands
That put the stars in their place.
Lord, it was Your voice
That commands the morning.
Even oceans and their waves bow at your feet.

Lord, who am I compared to Your glory? O, Lord.
Lord, who am I compared to Your majesty?

I am your beloved, your creation,
And You love me as I am.
You have called me chosen for Your kingdom,
Unashamed to call me your own.
I am your beloved.

I sang this in our services today. Thanks, Chad, for requesting it/introducing it to me.

Contentment...

I had never read this before. Now it is my prayer to be able to say these words...

Psalm 131 (English Standard Version)

I Have Calmed and Quieted My Soul

A Song of Ascents. Of David.

¹O LORD, my heart is not lifted up;
my eyes are not raised too high;
I do not occupy myself with things
too great and too marvelous for me.

²But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child is my soul within me.

³O Israel, hope in the LORD
from this time forth and forevermore.

Or how about this version?

Psalm 131 (The Message)

A Pilgrim Song

¹God, I'm not trying to rule the roost,
I don't want to be king of the mountain.
I haven't meddled where I have no business
or fantasized grandiose plans.

² I've kept my feet on the ground,
I've cultivated a quiet heart.
Like a baby content in its mother's arms,
my soul is a baby content.

³ Wait, Israel, for God. Wait with hope.
Hope now; hope always!

wow...

Watching the sunset from our porch never gets old.

"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands." Psalm 19:1

Open house, open mind

This has been a whirlwind day. It was Big Sister's last day of preschool. Daddy says he got a little teary-eyed when he watched the girls hug and signed her in, realizing that it would be a while before they were in the same school again. We've been so spoiled, both working at the church and seeing the girls in the hallway or peeking in their rooms whenever we wanted. Now Big Sister will be at a different school.

Because her birthday is later this week, we went ahead and celebrated with her preschool class today. It was bittersweet, watching the kids sing to her- kids we've watched grow up since the time Big Sis started at the center before she turned two. Some of them we'll see on soccer teams or the occasional run-in. But they'll never again be the important part of her life that they have been for the last three years.

She'll know absolutely no one at her new school. I think it scares her, but probably not as much as it scares me. I wish I could turn the teacher part of my brain off- the one that knows how mean kids can be, how scary the big kid hall can seem, how lonely some kids seem even in a roomful of classmates. I've been praying for this transition, for her teacher, for her friends. I have faith in God's provision and protection. I have faith in my spunky, friendly, compassionate kiddo.

But I'm freaked out. I don't feel very prepared. I've poured over the packet they handed us at Open House this evening, but there are still a million questions left unanswered. There is a kindergarten parent meeting on August 17th, to teach us about rules and procedures and all of that fun stuff. But what do we do for the two weeks our kids attend school before then? I don't "wing it" very well.

And then there are the things upon which I refuse to let myself dwell- trying to discern what kind of teacher this new woman will be, thinking that there wasn't much room for play in that kindergarten classroom, hoping Big Sis isn't bored since she is already reading at a 2nd or 3rd grade level, praying I get my head together enough to sign and return papers, send lunch money, pack snacks, and get her to school by 7:50 every day... you get the point. I'm trying not to doubt myself or anyone/thing else before giving us all a chance to succeed at this kindergarten thing. I'm going to keep an open mind. Or at least I'm going to try.

Tomorrow is my last weekday home with both of my girls until Labor day. Thursday, Big Sister begins a new stage in her life, and, really, so do I. Who knows what it will bring? Maybe we'll be GREAT at this elementary school gig.

The future is wide open.

Song for Sunday: I'll tell you why

One night after VBS, Big Sister sang this from the time we picked her up, got all of our stuff together, loaded into the car and got carseats buckled, got back out of the car and ran back in to the bathrooms, got back into the car and drove home, until it was time for bed.

It's like the Jesus version of "The Song That Never Ends."

But it is sweet. And true. And it goes like this:

I am so H-A-P-P-Y
and I will tell you why
I know that my God loves me
'Cause He shows me all the time.

And repeat.

This is bigger than rules...

A few weeks ago, as I walked up the steps with a basket of laundry, I heard the girls fussing at each other. It was early in the morning; they had just gotten out of bed and I wasn't there to greet them and set the tone for the day. Obviously, they chose a tone of their own: UGLY.

I got to the top of the steps just in time to hear Big Sister growl, "NO! You aren't supposed to take that much toilet paper! Mom is going to be REALLY MAD AT YOU!" followed by a thump, and finally crying. I ran in to find Big Sister still fussing at Little Sis, who was sitting on the floor in tears. Unrolled toilet paper snaked from the holder, around the stool where Big Sister stood, and stopped where Little Sis held it bunched in her hands.

"WHAT is going on?!" I asked.

Immediately, Big Sister let me know that Little Sis "took way too much toilet paper and she's not supposed to do that and you (me) don't like it when we do that and she wouldn't stop."

"And so you pushed her down?" I asked.

"Yes," she readily admitted. "She took too much toilet paper."

"Do you think I would be more upset about running out of toilet paper or seeing one of you girls hurting the other?"

I thought it was a no-brainer. But I watched as Big Sister thought for a moment, and a light-bulb seemed to blink above her head.

"Were you just trying to get some toilet paper to help Big Sis while she was on the potty?" I asked Little Sister. She nodded pitifully, her feelings still hurt from being fussed at and pushed.

I turned back to Big Sister. "Do you see that I care a lot more about you both than I do about toilet paper? I don't want to waste it and run out when we need it. And I don't want to clean it up after you guys make a big mess with it. But I would be WAY more upset if something happened to one of you. Hurting someone is worse than taking too much toilet paper."

I thought later about how little kids don't really see the "levels" of our expectations. As they grow out of their ego-centrism (Piaget), they start to see how what they do effects other people, and it's our jobs as parents to help with that realization. But a lot of times, they just follow the rules because they are the rules. It's that "concrete operation" thinking (Piaget again) in them. It never occurred to Big Sister that one rule might take precedence over another.

Today, I realized that as believers, we're often the same way. Jesus made it really clear what he thought the greatest commandments were. He said, "the greatest commandment is... and the second is like it..." lest there be any confusion. What were they? To love. Love God, and your neighbor.

He said the rest of the law and the teachings of the Hebrew prophets hinged on those two ideas. Those two simple rules guide the others. It's the same way that we don't waste the toilet paper because we might not leave any for others or cause someone to have to work extra to clean up the mess. We want to be considerate to the others in our house. Because we love them.

How many people in the church are yelling and fussing and knocking each other down over silly, secondary issues? How many of them are feeling quite justified in doing so because "it's the rules!" or "The Bible says it's wrong."

I'm not saying love rules out correction. Certainly, when we love someone, we uphold them and correct them and encourage them to do the right things. But we have to start with the love.

The rest of the stuff, the details, the toilet paper... can come later.



PS. Who can be the first person to identify the movie from which I borrowed the title? Here's a hint- it is spoken by another farm bird...

Book Review: Same Kind of Different As Me

I'm not sure how to begin to describe this book. It was thought-provoking and inspiring, suspenseful, moving, even humorous. It is easily the best book I've read in years. And the best part is that it's a true story. It chronicles the separate lives (both shared in their own unique first-person voice) of a share-cropper turned homeless man and a wealthy art dealer and his wife, and how they come together. They have a profound impact on each other, and ultimately on their entire community. There are many amazing things throughout the story that remind the reader that this was all a part of the redemptive, miraculous work of God and His love for His children- rich or poor, black or white, good or bad.

I don't want to say much more, because I knew very little about this book when I sat down to read it, and I think that added to my delight. I'd only heard someone recommend it, saw it on a shelf and thought about buying it, and then quickly requested it when it was available on Booksneeze. I'm so glad I did!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Change in plans

ARGH!

I just spent a lot of time on the phone with our bank, got nothing resolved and am now waiting for a call back. Hubby or I will have to spend an equally long time waiting to talk to someone else as well. All to resolve that stupid mess I blogged about here, a mix-up in which our bank reached into our accounts and took almost three thousand dollars due to a state tax mistake made by a state in which we do not reside. Make sense? It doesn't to us either.

It has been two weeks since this all started and one since they said it was "all fixed." It's not.

I was literally shaking on the phone with the woman from the bank. I kept trying to remind myself that she had nothing to do with this personally, and I think I was gracious, all things considered. But I was firm. Because I was MAD.

It started out as a nice morning. An introspective morning. I had big bloggy plans for us today. But now my head is spinning and my arms and hands still feel a little jelly-like from all that shaking. And I'm not really sure now would be a good time to delve into other subjects like "why teaching made me a bad parent" or "what I learned from "a wee little man" or other hopefully upcoming topics. It would probably all sound a little too frantic today.

So, instead, I'll share with you some of my favorite things from my gratitude list. It's not a journal, just a sunshiney yellow page in my daily prayer/planning binder. But it is filling up quickly and hopefully will help bring some perspective to this frustrating afternoon.

I'm oh-so-grateful for:

• good movies
• second chances
• peace and quiet in an empty house
• silly sounds in a crazy house
• free books
• sunshine
• leftovers
• our church's outreach to the community
• telling dreams
• fog on the mountains
• "big" girls staying in their big girl beds
• my drying rack
• the end of softball season
• Little Sister's spunk
• Big Sister's compassion
• Hubs' love and forgiveness
• picnics on the floor in my living room
  
• friends (irl and url)

That last one? It means you.

Thanks.