This is bigger than rules...

A few weeks ago, as I walked up the steps with a basket of laundry, I heard the girls fussing at each other. It was early in the morning; they had just gotten out of bed and I wasn't there to greet them and set the tone for the day. Obviously, they chose a tone of their own: UGLY.

I got to the top of the steps just in time to hear Big Sister growl, "NO! You aren't supposed to take that much toilet paper! Mom is going to be REALLY MAD AT YOU!" followed by a thump, and finally crying. I ran in to find Big Sister still fussing at Little Sis, who was sitting on the floor in tears. Unrolled toilet paper snaked from the holder, around the stool where Big Sister stood, and stopped where Little Sis held it bunched in her hands.

"WHAT is going on?!" I asked.

Immediately, Big Sister let me know that Little Sis "took way too much toilet paper and she's not supposed to do that and you (me) don't like it when we do that and she wouldn't stop."

"And so you pushed her down?" I asked.

"Yes," she readily admitted. "She took too much toilet paper."

"Do you think I would be more upset about running out of toilet paper or seeing one of you girls hurting the other?"

I thought it was a no-brainer. But I watched as Big Sister thought for a moment, and a light-bulb seemed to blink above her head.

"Were you just trying to get some toilet paper to help Big Sis while she was on the potty?" I asked Little Sister. She nodded pitifully, her feelings still hurt from being fussed at and pushed.

I turned back to Big Sister. "Do you see that I care a lot more about you both than I do about toilet paper? I don't want to waste it and run out when we need it. And I don't want to clean it up after you guys make a big mess with it. But I would be WAY more upset if something happened to one of you. Hurting someone is worse than taking too much toilet paper."

I thought later about how little kids don't really see the "levels" of our expectations. As they grow out of their ego-centrism (Piaget), they start to see how what they do effects other people, and it's our jobs as parents to help with that realization. But a lot of times, they just follow the rules because they are the rules. It's that "concrete operation" thinking (Piaget again) in them. It never occurred to Big Sister that one rule might take precedence over another.

Today, I realized that as believers, we're often the same way. Jesus made it really clear what he thought the greatest commandments were. He said, "the greatest commandment is... and the second is like it..." lest there be any confusion. What were they? To love. Love God, and your neighbor.

He said the rest of the law and the teachings of the Hebrew prophets hinged on those two ideas. Those two simple rules guide the others. It's the same way that we don't waste the toilet paper because we might not leave any for others or cause someone to have to work extra to clean up the mess. We want to be considerate to the others in our house. Because we love them.

How many people in the church are yelling and fussing and knocking each other down over silly, secondary issues? How many of them are feeling quite justified in doing so because "it's the rules!" or "The Bible says it's wrong."

I'm not saying love rules out correction. Certainly, when we love someone, we uphold them and correct them and encourage them to do the right things. But we have to start with the love.

The rest of the stuff, the details, the toilet paper... can come later.



PS. Who can be the first person to identify the movie from which I borrowed the title? Here's a hint- it is spoken by another farm bird...