Yesterday was a rough day.
Okay, that was an understatement.
Yesterday nearly killed me. The verdict is still out as to whether or not it "made me stronger."
I think part of the reason it was so rough was the fact that it was inconsistent. Parts of the day were picture perfect. Other parts were perfect pictures of... well, something
unpleasant.
We were meeting two friends and their kids in the morning to go to the park downtown. Our morning out involved playing in the fountain and eating a picnic lunch- so I was trying to pack swimwear, towels, sunscreen, water shoes, extra clothing, and a veritable smorgasbord of lunch and snack selections because
who knows what my kids will or will not eat at any given time?
Only Little Sis was awake off & on from about 4:30 AM, so she was crabby and clingy all morning. And if Little Sis is clingy and you won't let her cling, she punishes you by making you wish you were holding her. She runs like a hurricane through the house, pulling things off of shelves, throwing stuff, anything she knows she shouldn't be doing.
So, by the time we actually pulled out of the garage, I was already frazzled. And tired.
But the park was a lot of fun. At first it was a little too overcast and cool (it even rained a tiny bit) to get in the water. But the kids ran around and snacked.
As soon as it warmed up a bit, we headed over to the fountain. The kids had a blast.
Little Sister, not so much. She just sat back with the mommies and enjoyed being a spectator.
And then she got tired of watching and decided to go to the carousel.
I tried not going with her. She called my bluff.
So, I got her dressed (not that her swimsuit was wet) and took her to the carousel. She was a little nervous and only wanted to sit on the bench seat. In my lap.
It was very sweet. The little terror from earlier was now being so precious.
After Little Sis rode once, I managed to talk Big Sis out of the fountain and helped her get changed too. She was sopping wet, so I didn't want to take her into the restroom to change. Instead, I had her hold up her towel while I helped trade swimsuit for dry clothes. At one point, I looked up and saw a man on the bridge looking down toward the fountain area, and "anxious mom" kicked in. I snapped at Big Sis for letting go of her towel for a moment, fearing we might be giving some creepy predator a glimpse of her little bottom. I know we all make mistakes, but I am still upset with myself for losing my cool with her when I had (and missed) a great opportunity to model patience and gentleness.
But I had PLENTY of other opportunities to try to demonstrate patience. Because as soon as everyone had dry clothes, we headed to the carousel so
everyone could ride this time. Little Sister was brave and rode a giraffe this time.
Big Sister wanted to ride the pig (since she's obsessed with Babe) but freaked out waiting for the ride to begin.
But when it was over, she pitched a BIG fit. And she basically yelled or cried until we were halfway home.
Fortunately, both girls were really tired, and they both napped.
Unfortunately, I was so tired that I fell asleep before I went back in to check on Little Sister. She insists on being tucked in with FOUR blankets and I usually go in after she is asleep to remove a couple of them or at least to make sure that she has kicked them off. Since I didn't do that this time, she woke up early, drenched in sweat and screaming. She screamed for about 45 minutes. As soon as she calmed down, Big Sister woke up.
Big Sister's mood upon waking was not much better. The girls fought incessantly. At one point, as Big Sis was chasing Little Sis with a violent look in her eye, I noticed that she had a scratch right at the base of her neck. I called her over, asked her to let Little Sis go and said I wanted to see her for a second. My intentions were to calm her down and love on her a little since she puts up with so much from her little sister. Instead, she figured she was in trouble and went crazy, scratching
me in the process.
When Big Sister goes crazy and heads to time out, Little Sister tries to do the same. By the time everyone calmed down, we were running out the door to get to church. It was only when we made it there that I realized that Big Sister had
no shoes (luckily there was a pair of too small Dora flops in the trunk) and that I had forgotten a change of clothes for my hubs, who ended up leading rec for a bunch of kids in 80+ degree weather wearing his dress clothes.
And to top it off, Big Sister had saved her biggest, best tantrum for church. And since Daddy was sweating it out with the kids until late, I was on my own to haul her crabbiness to the van and get both girls in bed when we got home.
I know these are all trivial things. I have dear friends going through BIG storms in their lives, and I can't seem to see past the tiny rain clouds in mine. I think that's why I'm so frustrated by them.
Because it is like the Chinese Water Torture of parenting.
I've tried so hard to get up in the mornings and start my day off with prayer and scripture and the right perspective.
And I can shrug off the first five, ten, maybe even fifteen crazy, frustrating things that come my way. But by the sixteenth... I'm starting to crumble. And after a little more crumbling, I get discouraged, and the crumble becomes a rockslide.
This afternoon, while my girls were in school, I kept Shepherd while his mom & dad went to be with some friends whose little girl was having surgery. Keeping someone else's kiddo helped give me a little insight.
I've pretty much been in the perfect storm of mommy stress: headstrong and active children, dogs that need constant supervision, a busy schedule and hard-working husband leaving little time to get ahead, lots of sickness (not to mention budget busting doctor visits, prescriptions and surgery leading to stress over money) and
those hormones. Oh, the hormones, and the anxiety and guilt and lack of energy they have brought with them.
Take any one of those things by themselves, and you've got a little bit of work. A slight inconvenience. But together... well... something's got to give.
So far, I think that something has been my sanity! But I'm prayerfully trying to figure out how to eliminate the controllable factors to make the "perfect storm" a little less stormy.
Or at least how to see the silver lining in all of those little clouds.
