Change in plans

ARGH!

I just spent a lot of time on the phone with our bank, got nothing resolved and am now waiting for a call back. Hubby or I will have to spend an equally long time waiting to talk to someone else as well. All to resolve that stupid mess I blogged about here, a mix-up in which our bank reached into our accounts and took almost three thousand dollars due to a state tax mistake made by a state in which we do not reside. Make sense? It doesn't to us either.

It has been two weeks since this all started and one since they said it was "all fixed." It's not.

I was literally shaking on the phone with the woman from the bank. I kept trying to remind myself that she had nothing to do with this personally, and I think I was gracious, all things considered. But I was firm. Because I was MAD.

It started out as a nice morning. An introspective morning. I had big bloggy plans for us today. But now my head is spinning and my arms and hands still feel a little jelly-like from all that shaking. And I'm not really sure now would be a good time to delve into other subjects like "why teaching made me a bad parent" or "what I learned from "a wee little man" or other hopefully upcoming topics. It would probably all sound a little too frantic today.

So, instead, I'll share with you some of my favorite things from my gratitude list. It's not a journal, just a sunshiney yellow page in my daily prayer/planning binder. But it is filling up quickly and hopefully will help bring some perspective to this frustrating afternoon.

I'm oh-so-grateful for:

• good movies
• second chances
• peace and quiet in an empty house
• silly sounds in a crazy house
• free books
• sunshine
• leftovers
• our church's outreach to the community
• telling dreams
• fog on the mountains
• "big" girls staying in their big girl beds
• my drying rack
• the end of softball season
• Little Sister's spunk
• Big Sister's compassion
• Hubs' love and forgiveness
• picnics on the floor in my living room
  
• friends (irl and url)

That last one? It means you.

Thanks.

Song for Sunday: Three things I pray

Day by Day
from Godspell
Composed by Stephen Schwartz

Day by day,
Day by day
Oh, dear Lord,
Three things I pray:
To see thee more clearly,
Love thee more dearly,
Follow thee more nearly
Day by day.

Things I'm not sure I'm ready for...*

1. Weeks and weeks of too much rain suddenly turning into no rain at all. My grass went from soggy to crunchy while we were on vacation!
2. Little Sister's eagerness to go up and down the steps with no one holding her hand. Her "No, ME do it!" seems to be even more frequent than her older sister's was.
3. Kindergarten. Enough said.
4. Getting rid of/putting away baby stuff. I have no plans to be pregnant in the near (or distant, really) future. But how long to you keep this kind of stuff "just in case?" And how much should I keep for the time we feel ready to foster? Is it better to sell before it's obsolete and buy again later? I'm such a packrat when it comes to things I might use again! ADVICE, please!
5. The amount of laundry being generated by Big Sister's newfound ability and desire to dress herself. Over and over. And to leave the discarded outfits in piles in her room.
   
6. Packing up our beach stuff until next year. BOO.
7. Christmas decorations at Hobby Lobby. My friend pointed this out on FB yesterday. Seriously?!?
8. Football pre-season. My days without satellite bills seem to be numbered.
   
9. Men in Black 3. Is this really necessary?
   
   And finally, I'm not ready for...
   
   
10. My not-yet-five-year-old walking around singing "Bow chicka wow wow." As in, the song everyone sings when they make a porn joke. Yeah. Just to clarify, she did NOT hear this from us. No, even better, she heard it from another not-yet-five-year-old at her church preschool, who no doubt heard it from someone older. What is WRONG with people?!?
    

* for all of you anal obsessive grammar-correcting types, I know I ended with a preposition. I'm bothered by it too, but it sounds weird the other way. Don't make fun of me; "that is the sort of thing up with which I will not put!" (Winston Churchill).

Book Review: Mystically Wired by Ken Wilson

I don't remember ever reading a book quite like this one. Ken Wilson approaches prayer from all angles: science, theology, tradition and personal experience. He shares research, ancient practices, and practical tips, all in effort to help the reader embrace a "richer, fuller prayer life."

The first part describes how many today are "mystically challenged"- having a hard time feeling connected to God in their prayer lives, expecting too much or too little, unsure of where to begin or what to do to break out of ruts. He also makes a case that we are all "wired" for prayer and shares research about "praying brains" as proof that it is possible for (and programmed into) all of us. I had a hard time staying interested in some of the scientific portions (and I usually enjoy studying brain and behavior) but found other points quite interesting, like when Wilson reminds us that Christianity began as an Eastern religion until adopted by Rome and Westernized. Then "it's spirituality was overlaid with a dry-as-toast rationalism that squeezed out most of the music and mysticism." That was the line I was waiting to read. I've long lamented that the Church has shied away from ancient prayer practices because they're labeled "Eastern" or "New Age."

Wilson then shares his own journey into deeper prayer. Even though the "practical application" didn't officially start until later, I found resources that enriched my prayer life simply by reading about his.

Finally, the last part of the book is for application. Wilson has a way of recommending practices without removing the mystery or deeply personal, subjective nature of prayer. Nothing feels like a checklist, but rather a consultation with a trusted spiritual advisor.

For anyone who struggles in prayer or people who have the prayer life of a saint, this book offers a fresh perspective and practical advice for a deeper relationship with God.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Vacation's Over

The beach was beautiful.

The girls arrived on Saturday with Nana & Papa, but Hubs & I had to wait until late Sunday night to join them. There was already too little time for sand between our toes without cutting our trip short. It seemed to be over before we knew it.

We drove all day on Saturday, missing the coast but happy to be back to our house and our critters.

We were in the door a matter of minutes before we opened a letter with some really bad news. Like, more-financial-stress-than-we've-ever-faced kind of bad news. And, although it is completely fixable and based on a misunderstanding, it's something that we are still waiting to clear up because of this long holiday weekend. And it is something that added stress to an already stressful time for us.

I'm feeling anxious and discouraged and angry and helpless all at once. But I'm also trying to be grateful for what we do have. I'm thankful for safe travels and sweet family. I'm glad that we could enjoy ourselves on our trip instead of having this looming over us the whole time (although I still wish it hadn't smacked us in the face when we returned home).

A good friend reminded me that the most powerful thing I can do is to change my perspective. My morning planning/prayer time last month included reading the book of Job. All at once, he lost everything. Even then, God asked him to press on, to hold fast, and to admit that understanding everything that happens to us is a task far beyond us.

I'm ashamed to admit that I did not, and hardly ever do, react with the steadfastness of Job. Unless Job also curled up and cried on the floor of his shower. No? Didn't think so.

A few weeks ago, I shared this blog with you. Mondays are "Motivation Mondays" with a giveaway about taking action. I'm taking action this week; I'm adding a page to my morning binder to begin a gratitude journal. I want to remember how blessed I am, even in the middle of the crappy times.

And right now, before the girls get up from their naps, I'm going to close my eyes and pretend this is me:


Ah. Much better.

Go Fourth

Every year, we've put the girls in this crazy Uncle Sam hat and snapped a picture of them in their patriotic attire. You can see last year's photos here. It's a fun little tradition and a bit of a growth chart, too. I can't believe how grown up Big Sis looks:

The Fourth of July is an interesting day around here.

Our neighborhood is full of people who seem to embrace any opportunity to light things on fire. The celebration of Independence Day usually runs for at least a week.

We've just returned from the beach (pictures to come) so we've missed most of the warm ups. But we didn't miss the firecrackers starting WAY too early in the afternoon. Nope, those came right as expected. Right at naptime.

The neighborhood kids have been playing with dangerous explosives all evening. Hubby even saw them light strips of toilet paper when they got bored with bottle rockets. We tend to stay out of the front and side yards at this time.

And right before the sun set, we looked at each other and rolled our eyes as one neighbor made his usual celebratory ride around the neighborhood. This year it was a four-wheeler instead of a Moped. We didn't see if he kept the tradition of being shirtless...

Still, when the sun was down and the kids went in (or were joined by their dads) there's no better place to be. We ate apple cobbler and got ready for the show. Three of our neighbors must have spent a small fortune on the "good kind" of fireworks. And our fantastic view of the mountains provided a panorama of sparkling surprises all around the area. We let two tired, giggly girls stay up to point them out to us, saying things like "See dat? It's bwoo!" or "Look Mom! That one looks like the star of Bethlehem, only it's not the right color!" or "Over dayerw!" or "I think that was made of red Pixie Dust!" as we huddled together in the dark and scanned the sky for the next marvel.

After we got the girls in bed, Hubs and I watched a local amusement park's fireworks extravaganza right from our bedroom window.

So, we might still have a few more days of picking up bottle rocket sticks in our front lawn or praying the M-80's don't disturb naptime.

But I think it's a fair trade.

Song for Sunday: The seventh breaks the shore...

46664 (Long Road to Freedom)
written by Strummer, Bono & Dave Stewart

It's a long walk, long walk to freedom
It's a long walk, long walk to freedom

Freedom rises from the killing floor
No lock of iron or rivet can restrain the door
And no kind of army can hope to win a war
It's like trying to stop the rain or still the lion's roar

Long walk, long walk to freedom
It's a long walk, long walk to freedom

It's like trying to stop the whirlwind scattering seeds and spores
Like trying to stop the tin cans rapping out jailhouse semaphore
They know when your hands are manacled its your spirit that gets raw
It's not the small little patch of sky you see, as if your visions soar

Long walk, long walk to freedom
It's a long walk, long walk to freedom

When freedom arise from the killing floor
No lock of iron can restrain the door
Can't stop the rain nor lions that roar
No time for bad a-wind, scatter seeds and spore
Small part of sky, more visions are soar
First six waves come, seventh break shore
Where the rock is heavy, come the purest core
Like a-looking at the future, what is in store

In the standards of the colors don't forget the human core
In townships of humanity there would be no poor
From where the rock is heavy comes the purest ore
The first six waves might break in the bay, the seventh breaks on the shore

It's a long road to freedom
It's a long road to freedom
It's a long road to freedom
It's a long road to freedom

4-6-6 6-4

These are lyrics from a song performed by Bono & The Edge at a 46664 concert in Capetown in 2003. 46664 is Nelson Mandela's campaign for HIV/Aids awareness and prevention. The number was his prisoner number for his 27-year incarceration in South Africa and is meant to be a reminder than no one should be reduced to simply a number. Find out more at 46664.com