Bright spot

It was a rough day (I think my kids know I'm trying to be more patient) but I'm going to focus on the good. Like this...


Little Sister, all snuggly after her nap, snacking and singing "If you're happy and you know it." And sporting mismatched BabyLegs. This morning she insisted on wearing one on her arm, even to the meadows. There, the girls and their friends got to meet the new donkeys. Little Sis called them monkeys. And alligators (!?)

There were all sorts of moments today I'd like to forget.

But these- I'd like to hang on to them for a while.

What's in a name?

I just tucked the girls in to bed (for the second time). When I leave we always say "goodnight" to each other, one more time. Tonight, Little Sister decided to forgo "Mommy" and called me by my name! I got so tickled that I had to whisper a quick "I love you" and head out the door.

Little Sister is just figuring out names. She's known the names of her friends and teachers for ages. But lately she has become obsessed with ours. And her own.

I think it started one night when she was especially restless before bed. Sometimes I pull the blankets around her all snuggly-ish, rub her back, and talk to her with a soothing whisper. I tell her things like how comfy her bed and covers are, and how she is going to close her eyes and snuggle to sleep, so she can drift into dreamland and have wonderful, peaceful, happy dreams. It's her little "sleep pep talk." At the end of it, I'll say "goodnight" again.

Apparently this time, I said, "Goodnight, kiddo."

Forget the peptalk. Those drowsy, half-closed eyes popped wide open as she told me "name's [Little Sis]. Say 'Goodnight Little Sis.'" It took me a few times to know what in the world she was saying, so I had to start the whole thing over again. You can be sure that I said her name the next time.

The same thing has happened if I call her "kiddo" or "sweetie" while fixing breakfast, buckling her carseat or building blocks. I won't even realize that I've said anything out of the ordinary, but there she is, patting herself on the chest and declaring her name, which at that point might as well be Tarzan.

The funny thing is that now she likes the nicknames, some of the time. Some days she'll ask me to say "goodnight Kiddo." And today, when I asked her what her name was, she insisted it was "Sweetie." Although, with her cute little toddler talk, it sounds more like "Sveetie."

And of course, all of this talk about her name has lead me to ask her about my name. She always just answers, "Mommy." And, even though months ago she beckoned for her dad using his first name in a tone I must admit to using to bellow down the steps when I needed a hand for a tricky diaper change, "Daddy" has been the only answer for his name, too.

Little Ones don't have a sense of anything or anyone outside of their own little world. In my psych and education classes we called it egocentrism. In our house we just call it life.

I'll admit, on some of the dark days I've had in the recent months, I resented only being seen as "mommy." But as the clouds are lifting I'm remembering the wonder and potential with which I once approached the role. Thank God for that.

And thank God for those exhausting, demanding, egocentric... adorable, entertaining, ever-changing little girls.

Just what I needed

Somehow (okay, really, I know how. I was wasting WAY too much time on facebook and looking at some stranger's page to see if they were connected to some other person I barely knew when) I came across the two blogs I am going to share with you today.

When I clicked on the first link, I'm pretty sure the clouds parted, rays of sunshine spilled forth over the keyboard, and choirs of angels began singing. I found Christian women, staying at home with their children, and embracing it as a calling. They are being proactive and intentional with their time, their resources, and their children's hearts. Their blogs include all kinds of fun things like recipes and organization tips. But more importantly, they include ideas about weekly Mommy retreats and Mommy Mission Statements.

Sound silly? Maybe to you. But I've been just doggy-paddling for so long. Keeping my head above water. I know I should be making progress in some direction, but the rising water all around me just made me discouraged. And disoriented. I needed to know where I should be heading. I needed a shore to gaze upon and a plan to get me there. And I needed to know that I could make it before my body (read: sanity) completely gave out.

About a month ago, I decided to make a change. I started getting up early, sneaking downstairs to enjoy the quiet. As Fergie might say to find my "center, clarity, peace, serenity" (PLEASE tell me someone knows that song!) To spend some quality time with God and pray for patience to make it through the days. And it worked, for a bit.

And then, if you recall, Little Sister had tubes put in her ears. And her sleeping habits went haywire. I was up with her during the night, and then she was up before 6. And Big Sister decided she was too afraid to go back to sleep without her sister. So much for Mommy getting up before the kids.

Well, the sleep schedule has finally gotten back to normal. And I've been trying to get up again. I've also been praying for patience, but it just isn't coming fast enough. ;)

But after being inspired by these blogs, I've found another way to take action. And since I came down with something (sinus infection?) Saturday night, I had all Sunday morning by myself to work on it. I've drafted my own mission statement for this stage in my life. And I worked on a weekly plan for meals, errands, outings and activities with my girls. I had a (sort of) plan (kind of) filed away in my head (nearly) each week, but it was obviously not affording me the structure or sanity I needed. So I took action.

My next steps include decluttering and making more time for exercise. And limiting my time on the computer (seriously, who needs to check their friend's status updates that frequently?!) But mostly, I'm just going to work to make each small step a habit, not just a new thing to try.

I almost forgot! Here are my new favorite blogs:

Inspired to Action
Passionate Homemaking

Enjoy! And if you feel led, take action!

Song for Sunday: maybe...

“Faithful”

by Brooke Fraser

There’s distance in the air and I cannot make it leave
I wave my arms’ round about me and blow with all my might
I cannot sense you close, though I know you’re always here
But the comfort of you near is what I long for

When I can’t feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can’t hear you, I know you still hear every word I pray
And I want you more than I want to live another day
And as I wait for you maybe I’m made more faithful

All the folly of the past, though I know it is undone
I still feel the guilty one, still trying to make it right
So I whisper soft your name, let it roll around my tongue,
knowing you’re the only one who knows me
You know me

When I can’t feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can’t hear you, I know you still hear every word I pray
And I want you more than I want to live another day
And as I wait for you maybe I’m made more faithful

Show me how I should live this
Show me where I should walk
I count this world as loss to me
You are all I want
You are all I want

When I can’t feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can’t hear you, I know you still hear every word I pray
And I want you more than I want to live another day
And as I wait for you maybe I’m made more faithful

Survey Says...

I've been trying to find small ways to enable us to save a little more money each month. Obviously, I'm clipping coupons and hunting for bargains. But I'm also trying to take advantage of some ways to supplement our income.

I've mentioned Swagbucks before. I've already redeemed my bucks for $20 worth of Amazon gift cards and almost have enough to cash in for $10 more. All I do is use their toolbar to search and to get to my everyday sites like blogger or hotmail or facebook. I also follow Swag Bucks on facebook to find out when there is a special code to earn extra bucks. But if I miss a code, no worries. It's not worth a TON of work, but it is nice to get paid a small amount just to check my e-mail!

The other thing I've been doing a little more frequently is completing online surveys. I've been an e-rewards member for a long time, but honestly, their rewards aren't nearly as great as some of the new companies I've joined. I just use e-rewards to put a little cash into our UPromise account for the girls.

But these next two survey sites actually mail you a check. And you can cash out at just $5! Here they are:

Mindfield: most surveys are worth $1-2 for what they say is about 10-15 minutes of your time. If I actually qualify for the full survey, it doesn't usually seem to take that long. Sometimes the mindfield surveys lead to some cool bonus opportunities. I just got two free boxes of baby wipes in the mail to test and rate. When it was all said and done, I made a few bucks too!

Opinion Outpost: this company definitely seems to have more frequent surveys available, but it can be a little tough to qualify for them, too. Filling out their profile surveys to get started definitely helps you get more survey opportunities.

I just got started with these guys, so I've not requested my checks yet. But a few blogs I follow and trust have been completing surveys with both of these sites for a decent amount of time and recommend them for SAHMs wanting to earn a little extra money for their families. I spend a little time each day, at naptime or when the girls are in bed, completing the surveys (while I check Facebook or write on this blog, honestly). And I feel like I'm contributing a little bit more to help our budget.

Anyone else have any survey sites they frequent? Or other easy ways to save/make a few dollars here & there? Do tell!

Book Review: The Hole in our Gospel by Richard Stearns

I've got to be honest. When I saw this book was available through Booksneeze, I hurried up to finish my last review so that I could request and review this one. If you've read my blog at all, you know that global poverty and all of its sinister companions (unclean water, HIV, etc.) are very important issues to me. And, while I happen to be involved with another certain program, child sponsorship is also a very big deal to our family. So this book by the president of World Vision seemed to be right up my alley.

And it was. Stearns shares honestly about his journey from determined skeptic to devout Christian to corporate-ladder-climber and finally, to his present day position. He points out what he feels (and I happen to agree with him) is missing in the gospel believed and shared by most Christians today: the passion for bringing about the Kingdom of God on earth here and now with one act of love, service and obedience at a time. Specifically, he refers to Isaiah 58, which Jesus quoted when sharing the reason for His coming: to proclaim good news and hope to the poor, imprisoned, widowed, etc. He cautions against a simple "fire insurance" faith and makes a case for one that can change the world.

Stearns makes a passionate plea for a paradigm shift among individual Christians and entire churches. He brings to light specific problems facing much of the impoverished world and shares stories of tragedy and triumph that he has seen firsthand during his work, so that we can feel personal connection, passion, and responsibility to love our neighbors all over the world. There is even a section at the end of this book called "What are you going to do about it?" that offers suggestions for readers who feel moved to do something but aren't sure where to start.

You don't have to look far to find books about missions or serving the poor. But what makes this book unique is the experience and authority Stearns has as a man who gave up the "American dream" to seek God's kingdom and serve the poorest of the poor. Not only would I recommend this book to anyone who asks, but I also am thinking of ordering a box of them myself to share with ministers and friends, to place in church libraries, and to leave lying around in some strategic locations. It is that important.


Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

NOT exactly a walk in the park...

Yesterday was a rough day.

Okay, that was an understatement.

Yesterday nearly killed me. The verdict is still out as to whether or not it "made me stronger."

I think part of the reason it was so rough was the fact that it was inconsistent. Parts of the day were picture perfect. Other parts were perfect pictures of... well, something unpleasant.

We were meeting two friends and their kids in the morning to go to the park downtown. Our morning out involved playing in the fountain and eating a picnic lunch- so I was trying to pack swimwear, towels, sunscreen, water shoes, extra clothing, and a veritable smorgasbord of lunch and snack selections because who knows what my kids will or will not eat at any given time?

Only Little Sis was awake off & on from about 4:30 AM, so she was crabby and clingy all morning. And if Little Sis is clingy and you won't let her cling, she punishes you by making you wish you were holding her. She runs like a hurricane through the house, pulling things off of shelves, throwing stuff, anything she knows she shouldn't be doing.

So, by the time we actually pulled out of the garage, I was already frazzled. And tired.

But the park was a lot of fun. At first it was a little too overcast and cool (it even rained a tiny bit) to get in the water. But the kids ran around and snacked.

As soon as it warmed up a bit, we headed over to the fountain. The kids had a blast.

Little Sister, not so much. She just sat back with the mommies and enjoyed being a spectator.

And then she got tired of watching and decided to go to the carousel.


I tried not going with her. She called my bluff.


So, I got her dressed (not that her swimsuit was wet) and took her to the carousel. She was a little nervous and only wanted to sit on the bench seat. In my lap.


It was very sweet. The little terror from earlier was now being so precious.

After Little Sis rode once, I managed to talk Big Sis out of the fountain and helped her get changed too. She was sopping wet, so I didn't want to take her into the restroom to change. Instead, I had her hold up her towel while I helped trade swimsuit for dry clothes. At one point, I looked up and saw a man on the bridge looking down toward the fountain area, and "anxious mom" kicked in. I snapped at Big Sis for letting go of her towel for a moment, fearing we might be giving some creepy predator a glimpse of her little bottom. I know we all make mistakes, but I am still upset with myself for losing my cool with her when I had (and missed) a great opportunity to model patience and gentleness.

But I had PLENTY of other opportunities to try to demonstrate patience. Because as soon as everyone had dry clothes, we headed to the carousel so everyone could ride this time. Little Sister was brave and rode a giraffe this time.


Big Sister wanted to ride the pig (since she's obsessed with Babe) but freaked out waiting for the ride to begin.


But when it was over, she pitched a BIG fit. And she basically yelled or cried until we were halfway home.

Fortunately, both girls were really tired, and they both napped.

Unfortunately, I was so tired that I fell asleep before I went back in to check on Little Sister. She insists on being tucked in with FOUR blankets and I usually go in after she is asleep to remove a couple of them or at least to make sure that she has kicked them off. Since I didn't do that this time, she woke up early, drenched in sweat and screaming. She screamed for about 45 minutes. As soon as she calmed down, Big Sister woke up.

Big Sister's mood upon waking was not much better. The girls fought incessantly. At one point, as Big Sis was chasing Little Sis with a violent look in her eye, I noticed that she had a scratch right at the base of her neck. I called her over, asked her to let Little Sis go and said I wanted to see her for a second. My intentions were to calm her down and love on her a little since she puts up with so much from her little sister. Instead, she figured she was in trouble and went crazy, scratching me in the process.

When Big Sister goes crazy and heads to time out, Little Sister tries to do the same. By the time everyone calmed down, we were running out the door to get to church. It was only when we made it there that I realized that Big Sister had no shoes (luckily there was a pair of too small Dora flops in the trunk) and that I had forgotten a change of clothes for my hubs, who ended up leading rec for a bunch of kids in 80+ degree weather wearing his dress clothes.

And to top it off, Big Sister had saved her biggest, best tantrum for church. And since Daddy was sweating it out with the kids until late, I was on my own to haul her crabbiness to the van and get both girls in bed when we got home.

I know these are all trivial things. I have dear friends going through BIG storms in their lives, and I can't seem to see past the tiny rain clouds in mine. I think that's why I'm so frustrated by them.

Because it is like the Chinese Water Torture of parenting.

I've tried so hard to get up in the mornings and start my day off with prayer and scripture and the right perspective.

And I can shrug off the first five, ten, maybe even fifteen crazy, frustrating things that come my way. But by the sixteenth... I'm starting to crumble. And after a little more crumbling, I get discouraged, and the crumble becomes a rockslide.

This afternoon, while my girls were in school, I kept Shepherd while his mom & dad went to be with some friends whose little girl was having surgery. Keeping someone else's kiddo helped give me a little insight.

I've pretty much been in the perfect storm of mommy stress: headstrong and active children, dogs that need constant supervision, a busy schedule and hard-working husband leaving little time to get ahead, lots of sickness (not to mention budget busting doctor visits, prescriptions and surgery leading to stress over money) and those hormones. Oh, the hormones, and the anxiety and guilt and lack of energy they have brought with them.

Take any one of those things by themselves, and you've got a little bit of work. A slight inconvenience. But together... well... something's got to give.

So far, I think that something has been my sanity! But I'm prayerfully trying to figure out how to eliminate the controllable factors to make the "perfect storm" a little less stormy.

Or at least how to see the silver lining in all of those little clouds.