Slobbery Baby Kisses

As I've mentioned in a few recent posts, I am trying to get myself back into the mode of working a few hours outside of the home. First, I should say this: I love being a stay-at-home mom. I love my girls and being their primary caregiver. I love watching them grow and learn new things. I love all of the things they teach me on a daily basis, some of which I have been able to share with you. But...

...this year has been especially hard on me. I don't know if it is because Little Sister never took a bottle so I could have a few worry-free hours to myself (or with my husband, or friends, or whatever) or if it is the only-child in me struggling with the adjustment from one to two children, or the new wild coyote dog, or the crazy hormones & PPD-ish symptoms I've been battling for months. Whatever it is, I've decided some outside interests will be very good for me. And for the girls. Let's face it, as a SAHM, it affects everyone when you get stuck in a rut! So I'm shaking things up a bit, helping with our church's summer camp, and remembering the things I can do well besides being a mom. For those of you die-hard SAHMers, please try to understand ;)

This doesn't mean that leaving my girls has been easy. Little Sister started going to the Child Development Center at church a few weeks ago- just going twice a week while I work. I miss her like crazy from the moment I drop her off until Daddy or I pick her up. I miss Big Sister too, but she's been going for a few years now, so we're a little more used to it. It especially tears me up inside when I drop her off. She knows whats coming as soon as we walk in the door, and she whimpers when I hand her off or put her down. The other day, I tried to reassure her in a sing-songy voice as I crept toward the door. "It's okay! I'll be back! You'll have fun! Play with your friends! Look, there's Elmo!" but with every step away from her, the smile on her face drooped a little more, until I opened the door and she burst into tears. Agony.

So today when I went to get her at the end of the day, needless to say she was excited to see me. Thrilled. Overjoyed. Ecstatic. I picked her up, and she grabbed me in the tightest little baby hug I've ever received. Then she patted my back (for those of you who have never held my sweet Little Sister, she has been a back-patter since she was teeny-tiny). And finally, she grabbed my face, my neck, my shoulder, whatever she could get, and kissed it. I've suspected kisses from her before, but now I am sure that's what they were. At first, I thought she might be telling me she wanted to nurse, and I'll admit I was afraid she might try to bite me for leaving her, but that was not the case. With Little Sister lately, you really never know if the open mouth coming at you means well or harm... the other day, Big Sister & I watched as she put her mouth on Big Sis's arm, waited until we suspected nothing, and then clamped down with the tenacity of a pit bull. Poor sweet Big Sister didn't retaliate, she just cried & tried to figure out why Little Sister would do that... I was very proud of her.

But these were definitely kisses. She even made her snuggly noises while she planted big old slobbery smooches all over me. I held her tight and kissed her back (and nodded as if I were actually listening to anything the teacher was telling me about her day) and soaked in the sweetness of my little girl.