Rules for keeping a Mogwai Little Sister

I had forgotten about the terrible two's.

Not that Little Sister is terrible. All the time, I mean. But she does have her especially irrational, stubborn two-year-old moments. Some of them, like when she refused to walk on Halloween and made Trick Or Treating a little less pleasant until we pulled out a stroller, are hard to anticipate.

But others... well, they are becoming predictable, and sometimes even preventable. Ever since I watched a bit of Gremlins on CMT (?!) last week, I've been compiling rules to help keep my cute and cuddly Little Sister from turning into a monster.

1. DO NOT take food from her plate. This includes the usually innocent game of "Well, if you won't eat it, I guess I will..." She will not take a replacement. She will want the EXACT piece of macaroni, or chip, or apple, or WHATEVER that you just put in your mouth. Basically, short of regurgitation, there is no way to remedy this one other than waiting for the fit to pass.
2. Choose your words carefully. Do not toss out nicknames when she is cranky, lest you choose the wrong one. (NO! I'm NOT Sweetie! I'm Big Girl!) Study carefully what she calls things, and if she corrects you on something, let it slide. You usually can't convince her otherwise. Whenever you hear "No, it doesn't called..." brace for impact.
3. Keep the dogs away from her end of the table. Even if they are just sniffing- heck, even if they are just sitting- they cause her great aggravation. Oh, and keep the cat out of her room at bedtime too. Same deal.
   
4. Be careful not to get her too wound up. There is a point of no return, and you can arrive there before you know it! Incessant bouncing is a good sign you're on your way.
5. Let her do it herself. Whatever it is. No matter how long it takes.
6. This should be understood from number five, but is of such importance and urgency it deserves a number all its own. DO NOT FLUSH THE TOILET. Help her on the potty. Give her books when she's going to be a while. Wipe and help wash hands. But NEVER, EVER flush the toilet. She must do it herself, or the world as we know it will come to an end. And unless, unlike me, you are able to find a way to meet her demands to "Flush it back up!" you're just going to have to wait for the (giant) drama to subside.
7. Tickle her feet.
8. Do not give her nuts or carrots. Not because of a choking hazard, but because when she chews them up, she is bothered by the texture and will cover the nearest surface with little flecks of orange or tan. Crisp apples are a roll of the dice.
9. There is a magic window when she is tired and ready for bed. If you ever find it, jot down some notes for me. Otherwise, get used to loud, random but truly sweet conversations late into the night.
10. Enjoy her. Every minute. Even the fits. She is growing up way too fast.