I'm a weaner...

... and not a terrible speller, as you might assume.

I'm not talking about Oscar Mayer.

Or Mr. Bean in Rat Race. (Please, oh please, tell me you get this... "Eet's a race! I'm weening!")

I'm talking about nursing. (Or not nursing, to be technical. So if that makes you uncomfortable, click on one of the other blogs on the list to the right. Kevin has finally put up some new photos of the day...)

I think last night was the last time I will ever nurse Little Sister. And if we really are finished with baby-ness, the last time period. I say "I think" because the hubs and I are out of town for a conference and my parents are staying with the girls (and dogs, lucky them). Because we were already down to one feeding a day, I am expecting my supply to go way down by the time I get back. Plus, it's a good time for her to get used to going to bed without nursing, because I won't be anywhere nearby to frustrate the efforts.

A part of me is relieved to have my body back to myself. To be able to be away from her for 24 hours and let someone else handle bedtime. To finally put away the ugly nursing bras. (TMI? I warned you...)

But the other part of me is sad. I'll miss the late night feedings, or the early morning cuddle sessions when we would both fall back asleep. I'll miss stroking her little curls or feeling her pat my shoulder while she drifted off to sleep.

It's not like this is unexpected. Big Sister stopped nursing at almost this exact same age. With Little Sis I was going to try to go 18 months, but this just seems like the right time. Still, I can't help but wonder: where did my tiny baby go? I remember feeding her for the first time in the hospital. How has the time gone by so fast?!

I liked nursing. I never had to make a bottle in the middle of the night. I only packed a few bottles when she went to the nursery, and even then she didn't take them so I stopped doing that, too. I saved hundreds of dollars on formula. I had an excuse to go off "alone" when the babe or I needed some down time. I lost pregnancy weight. I had quality time with my babies, from day one. And I had a surefire way to soothe & comfort them when they were hurt or scared or sleepy. I wouldn't know how to mother without nursing. Which frightens me when I think about our future hopes of fostering/adopting. It also saddens me to think that I may not ever nurse again.

Of course, weaning does make me start thinking about how big my girls have gotten, and how fast they've grown. And then it's easy to start having those "I do miss having a little baby" thoughts...




Quick! Time to pull out all of those insurance bills from 16 months ago. Someone send me a link about c-sections. And kidney stones. And temper tantrums. And teenage girls...