Happy Halloween!

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Yes, that werewolf is our cat. Do not judge me. We needed five faces and there are only four people in our family. I didn't want one of the dogs to feel sad because the other one got to be in the jib jab video... So Keaton it is.

Oh- and there was a teensy bit of type casting for the girls... Little Sis is a biter. And Big Sister, well, she HAS been a monster lately...

Sisters on Parade

Today the girls got to dress up and Trick Or Treat "parade" around the church with their classmates from the Child Development Center. All of the kids wore costumes and got candy on the last school day before Halloween... but this was all just a coincidence. wink, wink.

We call it a "Fall party" or whatever and try to stay away from the spooky or overtly "evil" elements of the holiday, but we know what it really was. Not that I'm complaining! As I was just discussing with my husband tonight, there seem to be lots of Christians (especially here in the Bible belt) more concerned about decorations involving ghosts or witches than they are about the number of children dying of starvation as I type this. One every five seconds. But Halloween is seriously a much bigger deal to some people. I've seen nasty comments on The Idea Room questioning her piety because she celebrates Halloween and posts cute & creepy crafts & recipes this time of year. (Really cute- you should check them out!)

Okay, so we do Halloween. Big Sister will be Trick Or Treating this year (unless she decides to reprise her monstrous behavior from the beginning of the week) and Little Sis and I will be staying home to pass out candy. I do worry about some of the especially frightening or gruesome costumes and decorations in the neighborhood. I wish there were a way to keep the holiday a little more child friendly, but I don't think we'll be trading our neighborhood festivities in for a Trunk or Treat this year.

I once heard someone (maybe my wise hubby) say that as the Church, we are constantly trying to get people to come to our services, visit a Sunday School class, come to a community event, etc. But on the one night when the entire community is literally knocking on our doors, we turn off our porch light. Or have a "Halloween alternative" which probably at one point was a smart, original idea but is now just a place for the Christian kids to hang out with each other instead of trick or treating with the world.

Don't get me wrong, I love Fall Festivals. On Sunday, our church will have our annual Pumpkin Patch for the community, and I will enjoy every minute of it. But I just don't like the idea of everybody doing their own thing to compete with Halloween (especially on the night of Halloween) and to compete with each other. How cool would it be if area churches all came together to have one big, fun event? Or better yet, if they simply got involved with other community events like Boo At the Zoo? When I was growing up one of the Cincy malls used to have trick or treating inside, at the stores & kiosks. How cool would that be, especially if local churches provided refreshments or bags or a craft or something? It's traffic-free, weather-proof, kid-friendly and outreach-minded.*

Okay, I'm climbing down off of my soapbox. This wasn't supposed to be that kind of post. It was supposed to be the kind of post where I show you lots of cute pictures of my kids. So here they are:

I have TONS more, but I feel a little uneasy posting pics with other people's kids in them. But ALL of the kiddos looked adorable and had lots of fun. My girls didn't even come home with an overwhelming amount of junk; there were a lot of pretzels & Teddy Grahams & other not-so-bad snacks, which I appreciate.

It made the ride home (at lunch/nap time) a lot more BEAR-able.
Hahaha.


*I just found out that the mall DOES in fact have a Trick or Treat event for Halloween. Thanks Brooke! But it's only from 5-6:00 on the 31st, and I don't think it's a very big event. Maybe someday...

Owie

Little Sister's face looks like this:


Because she does things like this:


And this:


Here's the owie story: Apparently she was walking around her toddler class with a cup, pretending to drink. She tripped over a toy and banged the cup into her sweet little face.

And now, not only am I worried about my cutie and her owie (and hoping it heals with no scars), but I'm also disappointed. We were going to take our annual fall family photos this week. Because the trees look like this:

Sometimes I sit on my front porch and wonder why I get to enjoy a view like this.

I love fall.

But not falls. With cups. That hurt my baby's face.



See how I did that? Full circle. Ta-da.

No place for grace

or "How God is 'modifying' my view of Skinner & Watson"


Just a few days ago I was going through some old posts (replacing names with silly nicknames for privacy's sake, if you must know) and was struck by the fact that I could have written this post, or this one, in the last week. Big Sister is going through something again. I still don't have it quite figured out- if it is a growth spurt, an illness, maybe a response to some small change in routine, or a new milestone from her younger sister/rival for attention- that sets her off. Whatever it is, she is (once again) short-fused and stubborn and sadly, violent.

Honestly, I think only part of it truly has to do with her. I firmly believe that we bear some responsibility for the way people treat us, especially when those people are little and share our dna (or at least our home). Like I said in one of those previous posts, it is so hard to not reinforce her crazy behavior- not to let her get to me or make me lose my cool, and especially not to end up giving her the attention she seems to be so desperately seeking. I think while she has felt especially obstinate, I've felt especially frustrated and helpless. Little Sister has not been feeling well (she went from a virus last week to a runny nose and tiny cough that goes on all night long that I think are teething-related) and Big Sister has been high-maintenance even when she is in a good mood. I've been tired, behind on housework, and dealing with my ever changing hormones (since I'm finally finished with nursing).

But I'm wondering if another thing has come into play here, as well. Something that has made Big Sister think that she can just push and "get to do what she wants to do" (which is what she keeps saying when we ask her "why in the world are you behaving like this?!). I blame grace.

There have been a few times lately when Big Sister would be in trouble for some not-too-extreme misbehavior, and rather than imposing the set punishment, we tried to teach her about mercy & grace. We've been talking about doing this, to help her understand God's love on a little deeper level, for a while now. It's not just about releasing her from her punishment or giving her something she doesn't deserve- we tried to talk to her about what should have happened and how we were going to let her watch a movie anyway, because grace is getting something you don't deserve, something you haven't earned, even when you mess up.

Obviously, she didn't get it.

I mean, Big Sister is one smart cookie. But this concept is still too much for her. And I am not just saying that because she is suddenly testing limits like Sophie tests for shock-free ways to escape the backyard. The last time I offered her grace (we've only done this two or three times total, just for clarification) I asked her if she knew what it meant. She simply said, "I don't get in trouble." She might as well have said, "I get away with it, suckaz." In her four-year-old mind, grace meant nothing more than the idea that there is a chance she might not have consequences for her behavior- a chance she seems all too willing to take.

So I've been thinking about this idea, about how to be a consistent parent and still teach my child about grace. About how to provide firm, definite consequences for unacceptable behaviors in order to shape my child's behavior and motivation, while still showing her that there is something that blows all consequences out of the water. And it hit me:

Grace and Behavior Modification don't mix.

They can't.

Granted, there are some models of behavior modification, in which behaviors are addressed some of the time. With Operant Conditioning (BF Skinner) there are different intermittant reinforcement schedules including the idea of "variable ratio" reinforcement. I'm not going to get all psych major geekish on you, if you want to know what that means, click on the link. But even then, according to Skinner, you have to start out with consistency (continuous reinforcement) to establish desired behavior responses before "making it stick" with intermittent rewards.

I'm not strictly a behaviorist, by any means. But I've found when dealing with young kids & dogs (and really, what else do I do with my life?) managing behavior is mostly what its all about. Sure, we hope to instill values and empathy and instrinsic motivation, all of which will hopefully help our kids to make good choices in the long run. But really- it doesn't matter that our darling doggie Sophie likes her home and enjoys sitting with me on the couch or eating table food. When she gets the chance to run, she forgets all of that and just runs. Without thinking. Toddlers and preschoolers are not unlike dogs in this way.

Sometimes, especially when sick or hungry or tired, it seems impossible for them to stop and think. They want to bite, so they do it. Their toy won't cooperate, so they chuck it at their sister. Later, after a time-out, they can explain in detail what they should have done differently. But as for preventing the behavior, well, that explanation was not anywhere on the radar. And it takes mommy way to many words to try to remind the dear child not-to-kick-the-computer-desk-because-the-roll-out-part-that-the-keyboard-sits-on-will-get-stuck-again-and-do-you-want-to-be-able-to-play-Dora-The-Explorer-or-have-to-wait-until-Daddy-can-fix-it-later-on-tonight-plus-that-isn't-the-way-we-treat-our-things-or-express-our-anger-darling... when really "Stop & think or you'll have to have some time by yourself" or "Do you want to earn a star on your chart today?" is so much more effective.

So yeah, I'm more of a behaviorist than I ever thought I would be.

But back to where I wanted to go with this... Grace seems to be screwing up our behavior modification. Maybe because young kids are constantly figuring out new ways to misbehave and new limits to test- that really, it's always still in the beginning stages of establishing the desired behavior. And so, not being consistent (reading a bedtime story even after a horrible bathtime episode that should result in NO story, for example) is actually intermittently reinforcing that default bad behavior that has long been established (like since Adam & Eve). Our way of trying to offer grace was basically telling Big Sister, "Sometimes, you can get what you want by acting like a turkey." And she might not listen to much else I say, but she heard that loud & clear.

So what does this mean? What's wrong here? Either we're messing up in how we're portraying grace, or there is something really messed-up crazy about grace.

Or both.

Yeah, I think it is both.

For one thing, when we tried to teach Big Sister about grace, there wasn't a cost. She messed up, and we forgave her and wiped the slate clean, and even gave her something she might have wanted but did not earn. Sounds a lot like God's grace, right? I mean, we all mess up, and God forgives us and even gives us abundant, eternal life with Him, which is something we'll never deserve. But something is missing: Jesus. Grace might be free to us, but it did cost someone something. In fact, it cost Someone everything. Big Sister didn't see that part of the picture in our lame attempts at conveying such a mind-blowing concept. And that is a BIG part.

But even if we could find a way to better show her what grace looks like, I have a feeling it would still "mess things up." At least, according to how I think they should go. Because, like I said, I'm trying to shape (okay, I'll even just settle for "reign in") behavior. But I don't think grace has anything to do with behaviorism, because in a system of rewards & consequences, there is no place for grace.

I think grace deliberately flies in the face of operant conditioning. And I think God likes that just fine.

See, I believe we've all been given free will. And I think God did that so that we could 1) see how valuable and vital a relationship with Him is to us (by losing it in the fall) and 2) choose to be reunited with Him through Christ Jesus and live our lives with and for Him and His glory. So that we would ultimately come to know how truly wonderful God is and worship accordingly.

And, in my opinion, a God who wants us to seek and choose to follow Him, doesn't really want us just doing stuff to get a reward. For one reason, because we'd never be able to do enough. But for another, because... how do I put this? Well... because rats can do that. Avoiding pain, getting treats, that's not abundant life. Seeing the world through God's eyes, becoming a man or woman after God's own heart, loving what (and who) God loves, and letting your tongue speak (and your hands serve) out of the overflow of your heart- THAT is abundant life. It's relationship.

The truth is, there are lots of religious rats trying to make their way through the maze of this life. I've been one more than a few times. But the maze is simply not navigable and the rewards are confusing at best, completely misleading at worst. Some of these "rats" have the relationship, but they still think they need the cheese. They make list after list of things Christians should or shouldn't do, and consequences for each item on these lists. Some even go so far as to labeling diseases or natural disasters or family tragedies as punishment from God. Sure, God disciplines those He loves, to sharpen us and help us become more Christlike, but destruction, pain and death were results of sin, not God.

The thing about grace is, it rewrites the rules. Or rather, it reworks the consequences for breaking the rules. And it completely reformats why we seek to follow the rules in the first place. Because once you've experienced true, costly grace, you won't settle for pitiful reinforcement anymore. And you won't need to. Your motivation comes from something somewhere much deeper.

Of course, when you only know cheap, even (dare I say) imitation grace, all bets are off. It won't change your behavior, because it won't truly change your heart. Bells or buzzers, cheese or praise, will all be more effective as you try to get your behavior under control. But since pure behaviorism only conditions responses, behavior is the only thing it can control. It can't do anything to change motivations or loyalties or inclinations or passions or the desires of our hearts. Only real, extravagant, BIG grace can do that.

So where does all this leave us? And what in the world does it have to do with Big Sister?

The truth is, while I don't think any of us can truly comprehend the grace of God, I'm pretty sure it is way beyond her right now. So I'll keep up with my conditioning ways (although I promise I won't go as far as Watson with poor little Albert...) to help maintain safe and healthy behavior and restore my our sanity.

But I'm going to try to help her see that it's just not enough, and that there is SO much more beyond earning toys or doing extra chores or working to get dress-up clothes back before Halloween passes you by... ahem... That when those things fail, when we fail, God is faithful. And His grace is abundant. His wonderful, perfect, much too expensive, WAY beyond our comprehension, crazy, "messed-up" grace.

Oh yeah... and I'm going to pray for saintlike patience.

Amen.

Song for Sunday: In the middle of the night...

I'm not sure why I felt like choosing this song today. Maybe it is because Big Sister has been waking up in the wee hours of the morning nearly every night this week- I think her bladder shrunk.

Or maybe it is because we are reading Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller with our Sunday school class. We've been talking about how our relationship with God is supposed to be an epic story, unfolding in poetry and prose and any other artform imaginable, rather than being reduced to bullet points of belief or checklists of behaviors or step-by-step instructions to get from point A to point B. I mean, if there were simply a list or two to follow, wouldn't God have included them in the Bible?

Instead He speaks in stories and invites us to pull up a cushion, listen, learn and abide. I think that means that on this side of heaven, we'll always be searching for more, plodding along in our story, striving for more of God's goodness & glory...

Today we talked about Adam & Eve, and what it means when it says they realized they were naked. Imagine the complete security they had in their identity when they were in communion with God, and then imagine the complete void they would have felt when that was taken away- when they chose to separate themselves from God. It makes sense that we've been searching for that completeness ever since... and that's why I like this song.

River of Dreams
by Billy Joel

In the middle of the night

I go walking in my sleep
From the mountains of faith
To the river so deep

I must be lookin' for something
Something sacred I lost
But the river is wide
And it's too hard to cross

Even though I know the river is wide
I walk down every evening and stand on the shore
I try to cross to the opposite side
So I can finally find what I've been looking for

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the valley of fear
To a river so deep

I've been searching for something
Taken out of my soul
Something I'd never lose
Something somebody stole

I don't know why I go walking at night
But now I'm tired and I don't want to walk anymore
I hope it doesn't take the rest of my life
Until I find what it is I've been looking for


In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the jungle of doubt
To the river so deep

I know I'm searching for something
Something so undefined
That it can only be seen
By the eyes of the blind
In the middle of the night

I’m not sure about a life after this
God knows I've never been a spiritual man
Baptized by the fire, I wade into the river
That is runnin' through the promised land

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the desert of truth
To the river so deep
We all end in the ocean
We all start in the streams
We're all carried along
By the river of dreams
In the middle of the night

A few odds & ends...

I have a few completely unrelated things to post about today. Well, sort of related, since I think they are all worthwhile enough to mention on my blog. And two of them involve chances to save or win money... but really, other than that, it's all pretty random. Which, if you've ever read my blog before, should come as no surprise.

Okay, here goes...

First, Blogher is giving readers the chance to win a $200 gift card to Best Buy. All you have to do is check out the reviews of Samsung appliances shared by bloggers like MckMama here and Angie Smith of Bring the Rain here and comment on their posts. You can earn another entry by blogging about the contest (like I'm doing right now... you didn't think I was sharing this just for your benefit, did you? I mean, of course I do want you to win. Almost as much as I want to win...) For more links to read and win, check out the Blogher offer here.





Now, for the second bit of business, if you're local (or at least have a Bi-Lo grocery store in your town) and eat cereal, you might be interested in this. I ran into our Bi-Lo to get a box of hot chocolate and a gallon of apple cider to warm us up after another chilly soccer game for Big Sis. On my way to check out, I spotted a cereal deal: select Kellogg's cereal 4/$10. That's $2.50 a box, which doesn't sound all that great; it's a sale price but not really a "stock up price." But then there is a $4 automatic rebate when you actually buy 4, making it 4/$6. That's a pretty good price: $1.50 each.

But then I saw the coupon dispenser for $1.00 off Applejacks or Fruit Loops... I got one of each of those and used two coupons, giving me 4 boxes of brand name cereal for $4. If you really wanted to, I suppose you could choose Fruit Loops or Applejacks for all 4 of your boxes, use 4 coupons, and get them for $0.50 each. Now thats a stock-up price! I'll admit, I struggle with buying sugary cereal for the girls v. buying expensive organic brands. But when I can get some so cheaply, well, I guess I'm easily persuaded!





And finally, last night we headed out to "Boo at the Zoo." Actually, we headed out to a fantasy maze for the kiddos, but when we got there it was cancelled. Since our little ones were already decked out in Full Fairy Fabulousness, we had to find another destination. So, on to the zoo!

They had little carnival type booths like ring toss and temporary tattoos for $.25 tickets. They had lots of candy for prizes, and little stations with characters to find for more candy and a clue (including a scary, dead-eyed Dora the Explorer). At the end, when we solved the puzzle, we got a prize: more candy. That's ok- I'm completely prepared for next weekend now!

This isn't the best picture, but I wanted you to see Little Sis intently licking on this lollipop- still in the wrapper.

It was not the most extravagant event, but it didn't need to be. It was fun being there with lots of people from the community and seeing the animals at night (remember the raccoon from this post? He was a lot more awake this time!) including a flock of peacocks roosting right above us. (It was really dark, these are the best shots our camera could get. Sorry.)

We stayed until they started to close the place down. And then we stripped the fairies down to their tights & t-shirts. We thought this was so they could fall asleep on the way home, but it turned out to be the safest way to make an ice cream stop! I'll be scrubbing the car seats for weeks! Everyone was sticky and happily worn out when we finally got the girls ready for bed.

It was a sweet night. I was hesitant to go because it had been a horrible day- two grumpy kids had work my patience quite thin. But I'm so glad we got it together, got out of the house, and got to have some fall family time.

Happy thoughts

The first is a youtube clip my uncle shared with me. It might be old news, since it already has like 12 million hits, but I had never seen it before. And I just HAD to share it.

Like Dolly, "Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion." And very few things make me simultaneously laugh and cry like surprise musical numbers. Seriously. I dare you to watch My Best Friends Wedding, Stepmom, Hope Floats (why is there no YouTube clip of the "Can't get next to you" scene?!), etc. with me. And eventhough I've seen it a hundred times, I still get a little goofy watching the JK wedding video, and even the Office parody.

I don't know if it is because music is my language. Or because it automatically gets people to let down their guard, be honest, even be silly. Or because I have this stirring inside when I see people using their gifts, being a part of something bigger than themselves, and leaving an impression on others- even for just a few minutes in a train station...



I realize that this video doesn't fit in the body of my blog. I have no idea why or how to remedy that, but I'm in a good mood so I don't really care. That much. Today...

Now for another bit of sunshine in my day:


I just got a Blog Award from Amber at Beyond Postpartum! I am honored to be on her list of best blogs! How cool is that?! Thanks so much for thinking of little old me & my little (not so) old blog. This made my day!

Now, I get to nominate some "best blogs" myself. I don't know where to begin and I am sure I will miss someone, but here goes...

• The idea room
• Everyday Becky
  
• Rocks in my dryer
  
• Life as we know it (parental advisory: explicit lyrics, for my more conservative mommy friends)
  
• The Brown-Eyed Pea
• Nesting Place
• It's raining in Baltimore...
  
• Kevin the Cool Guy
• Artful Worship
• Songs from the High Chair
  
• CakeWrecks
  
• Green Mamma
• Nie Nie Dialogues
  

Here are the rules for the award...
To accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award and his/her blog link. Pass the award to approximately 15 other blogs that you have recently discovered and think are great! Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

I have to be honest, I'm probably not going to contact Jen at Cake Wrecks to tell her I'm giving her this award... or the other bloggers who already have more than 200 followers and are in a whole other league. But I do LOVE these blogs and would award them if an award from me meant anything to them. I mean, it means something to me. And if you're on this list and you're reading this, I hope it means something to you. I LOVE reading your blogs!

Things I learned at story time...

I did it. I went back to story time. Or rather, we went back to storytime. But I was the reluctant one. It has been over a year since we went to Barnes and Noble on a Wednesday morning for story time. The last time... well... the last time was the stuff of mommy nightmares. I honestly can't remember every detail because I have tried to block them from my memory.

It was back when Big Sister was still having a hard time adjusting to having a sister. Somewhere after the story (appropriately, I think it was Where the Wild Things Are) and the snack, something snapped. I don't know what set her off- maybe I told her it was time to go, or maybe I said we couldn't buy one of those oh-so-conveniently-placed non-book-Disney-Princess-box-of-crap-we-don't-need that seems to suck her in. Maybe it was the half of a sugar cookie covered in sugar sprinkles and the shot glass of milk. Maybe I was paying too much attention to the drowsy baby strapped to me in the sling. Maybe she was inspired by Max in the story. Heck, maybe the story lady pinched her while I wasn't looking. I don't know. All I remember is what happened next...

She looked at me and screamed, "NO" and then responded to my "Come here" by running to the other end of the children's section. To the Thomas the Train table. She ran to where all of the cliquey mommies congregate after story time. And then she chose one, at random, and HIT her. I was just catching up to her in time to see it, toss a quick apology to the shocked moms sitting in a semi-circle around Sodor, and turn and run after her again as she made her way out of the kids section and towards the front. I was calling for her to stop, counting, threatening, even pleading. It was just a few seconds before I caught up to her and grabbed her hand.

She promptly pulled a spaghetti-legs and dropped to the ground. Nicely played, I thought. Or would have, if I wasn't so angry and embarassed that all I could think about was getting out of the store as quickly as possible. At some point I also thought about how the stroller would have been a better option; instead, after realizing dragging the child would not work, I ended up shifting tiny Little Sis onto one side and carrying Psycho child under the opposite arm, deflecting little (but painful) punches all the way to the car.

There were severe consequences, one of which was that we would not be returning to story time for a LONG time.

Fast forward to this morning: I decided we needed to get out of the house, so we headed to the mall to play in the indoor play area and ride a few of the dimestore type rides. I also had a punch card to get a free pretzel and packed extra empty sippy cups to split a smoothie. Basically, I was planning on letting them have fun, wearing them out and doing it as cheaply as possible! But then I realized it was Wednesday, and that since Barnes & Noble recently moved to the mall, we would be right there during the story-time hour...

... and we did it. We played until it was time to head into the bookstore. I was extra nervous because we had to skip the pretzel (Auntie Ann's is closed. For good. Moment of silence...) and Big Sis is, ahem... unpredictable... when she is hungry. But she was great. An angel. Best behavior. The only glitch was that she had to pee before we finished the craft. But the girls did so well that we actually stayed a little while after storytime to get our smoothie and ride the "merry-go-round."

Big sister might have learned about a witch who made a girl out of cake, but I learned a few things myself today:

1. Since moving to the mall, story time at Barnes & Noble has become quite popular.
   
2. Bugles and apple juice tend to have a more pleasant effect on my children (and, if you ask me, all of the children) than cookies. Especially right before lunch.
3. Leaving the stroller & snacks behind will help you make it to the bathroom much faster. To the sweet mommy who offered to keep an eye on our stuff so that I didn't have to repack everything & buckle in the girls just to make a trip across the store: THANK YOU!
   
4. It is possible to spend more than a few minutes in a store without my children asking me to buy them something. I'm very proud of them!
5. Someone at the bookstore might want to move the craft section a little closer to the storybook section- the early childhood educator in me is pained to see that they are still using coloring sheet art.
6. Little Sister becomes infinitely more affection towards Big Sister in the story time setting. I don't know if she was proud to be with a big kid, or just happy to know someone in the crowd, but she kept rubbing Big Sis' s back and kissing her on her head. I thought it was darling, but Big Sister was annoyed because she was trying to color! Too funny.
7. My relative agoraphobia is a slight (okay, maybe more than slight) over-reaction. If I plan well and do my best to prepare them for what's coming, there is no reason to be fear embarrassment or being shunned by the mommy-clique. Everyone has had moments of crazy children in public. A few had theirs today, and I only felt sympathy, not judgement. I need to work through my fears of going out in public alone with my two children. Especially because:
8. My girls are fabulous. Not only is it unfair for them to miss out on all the fun stuff in our cool town, but it is unfair for our town to miss out on them.

PS- I am great at having temporary revelations. Ask me next week if I went to story time. Hold me accountable!

Feels like fall...

Actually, Saturday felt like winter! Big Sister had a soccer game, and even though we thought we were prepared with our chairs and our jackets, we were completely caught off guard by the cold. Luckily a friend of ours had an extra blanket, so Little Sis and I snuggled under it and watched Daddy & Big Sister. Little Sis was completely still the entire time. She didn't talk; she didn't move. I wish I knew what she was thinking!

It was too cold to try to snap pictures during the game (which was really just a scrimmage because so many families were out due to Fall break and possibly the weather) but I took these when we got in the car. You can still see a little of the mellow curiosity in Little Sister's face:



On Sunday, we all snuggled in for afternoon naps, thinking it was too cold to do much else. Then we peeked outside and saw what a beautiful day it had become.


I even let the girls play outside in their church clothes!

Song for Sunday: Only Love...

Magnificent
by U2

Magnificent
Magnificent



I was born
I was born to be with you

In this space and time

After that and ever after I haven't had a clue

Only to break rhyme
This foolishness can leave a heart black and blue



Only love, only love can leave such a mark

But only love, only love can heal such a scar


I was born
I was born to sing for you

I didn't have a choice but to lift you up
And sing whatever song you wanted me to
I give you back my voice
From the womb my first cry, it was a joyful noise ...

Only love, only love can leave such a mark

But only love, only love can heal such a scar


Justified till we die, you and I will magnify

The Magnificent

Magnificent


Only love, only love can leave such a mark

But only love, only love unites our hearts



Justified till we die, you and I will magnify
The Magnificent

Magnificent

Magnificent



Lyrics from u2.com

Compassion at Catalyst

Remember this post about the Compassion graduate who spoke at Catalyst?

I just found out you can watch it for yourself here.

Do yourself a favor- grab a box of Kleenex before you click on the link. Trust me.

Fire Safety

Yesterday, Big Sister's class got a visit from Sparky the firedog and some local firefighters. They got to see a real firetruck up close, and they reviewed a lot of important safety tips. I'm not sure she is really ready to understand many of them, but perhaps with repetition...

For instance, she knew to tell us "Stop, drop & roll" when we asked what she would do if her clothing caught fire. But she didn't know what that meant exactly- "Stop, drop what you're doing and run to tell your teachers..." she started. So I had to explain that there should be NO running involved, that this meant stop wherever you are and drop to the floor. Then I reminded her of how our crazy dogs roll around on the floor to try to scratch their backs- and told her rolling to put out a fire might look something like that. Okay, I kind of demonstrated a little. I'm not ashamed.

Also, she told us that we had to "get out & stay out." But later she said, "But you don't want to leave the dogs in the house!" No, I thought, but when have our dogs not run out the door anytime we leave it open, anyway? "Or we don't want to leave the cat. We'll have to come back and get the cat." I didn't want to tell her that I probably would be the kind of person to run back into a burning building to save my pets, since that would negate the basic "get out & stay out" premise. But I said that sometimes the firefighters or other heroes rescue pets too.

And then she said, "And what about some of our favorite toys? We wouldn't want to leave them behind..." And although I tried to explain to her that they could be replaced, but people could not, she was still thinking about how important they were to bring with her. And this kid is not really all that materialistic.

I can only guess that she doesn't realize how quickly you leave in a fire- how little time there is, or warning. And how you don't get to pack a toy bag like we do when we head to Nana & Papa's house. I pray she never will have a reason to understand this. But, just in case, I'll keep talking with her, discussing the urgency of such an emergency without scaring her.

The other thing that went along with a visit from the fire department? Cool hats, of course.


Little sis didn't get a hat, so we just had to stop by firehouse subs for dinner so we could get her one. (Because the three upstairs in the girls' room would not have sufficed. It had nothing to do with my desire to avoid cooking dinner. Ha!) Once both girls had hats, it was time to get to work. They put out fires and rescued Daddy.


And then Daddy had to rescue Big Sis.

I tried to soak in a little of it all- them all running through the house, giggling together, Little Bit in the oversized hat and Daddy in one that didn't fit at all. I wanted to store it up for a day, not too far in the future, when those cute little girls will be big. It was a sweet moment.

There you go Thursday: A borrowed video

I've been bad about the blog this week. Lydia was sick and is still a little high-maintenance. Also, I started reading a certain vampire saga. Those of you who have read it might agree that it is a little addictive! I've almost read all four books, and I started on Saturday! Anyway, I wanted to share this video anyway, so I thought I'd make it into a "There you go" moment.

The first time I saw this youtube clip, it was prefaced by someone saying that the people who posted it were finding lots of water on their deck that seemed to show up when they weren't home, and they were beginning to wonder if the neighbors were sneaking into their yard to use their (awesome) pool while they were gone. Supposedly a hidden camera revealed what was really causing the wet mess:


There you go.

Of course, when I went to look for the video, I found what seems to be the original version, and there is no mention of the "mystery" or the hidden camera. It appears to be more of just some pet owners who filmed their crazy dog enjoying the pool.

But it is still pretty funny.

So there you go.

Privacy Please...

I was talking with an IRL blogging friend a little while ago about blog privacy. We have both thought about making our blogs private at one time or another. But, as I shared with her, I know that there are many of you, dear readers (mostly my family, ahem) that probably would not have profiles or want to go through the hassles of signing on for my private blog.

Couple that with the fact that from time to time I receive wonderful comments from people who I had no idea were reading my blog, and the numerous personal blogs that I enjoy reading and would miss if they were to go private... and I realize I just don't want to make it private right now.

But I am still concerned about privacy. If there are good people- both known and unknown to me- reading my blog, then there surely could be not-so-good people. I'm sure you've heard horror stories about people's pictures or information being taken and misused from their blogs. I even read an article a few days ago about the ability to actually steal someone's identity via their blogging information! Scary.

So, I've been trying to be a little more careful. I disabled the right click function so that people can't copy my photos. (I'm told there are ways around this, but I am at least making it a little less convenient.) I've removed our closest city/state from my profile.

And I'm going to be changing the way in which I refer to myself & my family. I'm going to be just Kaolinmommy. Or maybe Mommyk. My hubs will be DaddyClay. And my girls will have new bloggy names too. Since I'm out of clay imagery, they will just have to do with Big Sister and Little Sister. If we have another girl (not in the plans, before you start wondering!) we'll have to figure something out.

I've contemplated these names for a while and can't think of anything better. If something else comes along (and believe me, I'm open to suggestions) I'll edit this posting to reflect it. I don't think I like the abrupt nature of only using initials, and I want to keep a little of my bloggy theme if possible. But I don't want to go overboard. Or involve an entire fast food menu (kwim?) So please let me know if you have any suggestions.

Now that I have decided this, I will have to go back and change the names on my old posts. Blogger has no "search & replace" for all of your posts, so I'll do it one by one. Delightful, no? To quote a movie my daughter is anxiously waiting to see, "It looks like this could take some time!"

Song for Sunday: "Mercy is Yours"

This is a song written by Aaron Keyes. He sang it for us at Catalyst and I was struck by both its simplicity and complexity! I'm hoping to get the chords to share this in church...

Not Guilty Anymore
by Aaron Keyes

It doesn't matter what You've done;
It doesn't matter where you're coming from
Doesn't matter where you've been,
Hear me tell you I forgive

You're not guilty anymore,
You're not filthy anymore,
I love you, mercy is yours
You're not broken anymore,
You're not captive anymore
I love you, mercy is yours

Can you believe that this is true,
Grace abundant I am giving you
Cleansing deeper than you know,
All was paid for long ago

There is now therefore no condemnation
For those who are in Jesus

You are spotless, You are holy
You are faultless, You are whole
You are righteous, You are blameless
You are pardoned, You are mine

I found these lyrics here at virb.com. If you click on the link you can hear the song as well.

Catalyst Conference, Day 2

Wow. It was another fabulous day at Catalyst.

The highlight of the day for me was when a graduate from the Compassion program shared his story with the 13,000 people in attendance. He talked about living in extreme poverty in Kenya from the ages of 4-7, including a time in his life when his mother left him with relatives (to be the 8th child at an already meager table) to try and find some hope for him. When she finally returned, she took him on a long train ride to a city with a Compassion project in a local baptist church. At age 8, he was sponsored. Not long after that he received a letter from his sponsor that, as he put it, "altered the course of his life." A letter he had kept for 19 years.

The letter was a simple one. His then 20-year-old sponsor told him that he was glad to have a friend in Kenya, but even more important was the Friend they shared in Jesus. This young man told the 8-year-old boy about how Christ had changed his life. And in doing so, changed someone else's.

After sharing for a bit, the emcee asked the now grown Kenyan man if he had ever met his sponsor. When he said he had not, the next question made us all hold our breath: "Would you like to now?"

Sure enough, a man walked on stage and the audience erupted in applause. What happened next is a blur of tears of joy. It was one of the most moving things I've ever experienced. I've been involved with Compassion for more than 5 years no, but I've never witnessed a sponsor and child meeting for the first time. It was amazing.

We did what Compassion calls a "Packet Pass" where we walk through the crowd handing child packets to anyone interested in sponsoring. In my section I ran out of packets and ran to get more. After the session ended, I went to the Compassion booth to help the (wonderful) mob of people sign up to change a child's life. It was wonderful to be a part of something like this.

I have to e-mail the marketing guy from the event to find out the exact numbers, but for right now I can tell you that somewhere between 500 and 600 children were sponsored at this event. God is good! And God's people show God's goodness and love when they give themselves to the "least of these."

Check out the Compassion widget below for more information about getting involved with this amazing ministry. If you're already a sponsor, you can find out how to help at events or become a Child Advocate to support Compassion even further.

Get this widget!

A few other awesome ministries were mentioned today. I'll try to share about them in some upcoming posts.

Catalyst Conference, day 1

Today was the first day of the Catalyst Conference in Atlanta. It is an almost overwhelming gathering of leaders in the church, in an effort to inspire, equip and unite us to better impact the world for Christ.

The line-up of speakers today was amazing. We heard from Andy Stanley, Jessica Jackson (founder of Kiva, an on-line micro-financing site), Malcolm Gladwell, Shane Hipps, Rob Bell, Tony Dungy, Matt Chandler and Francis Chan.

We also had some great worship, and I've visited a lot of vendor booths with lots of resources (and freebies) to offer. Compassion has a few booths here, and I am exited to help with them a sponsorship plea tomorrow. More on that (I hope) to come.

It is an almost exhausting schedule with very little time to eat or get to the restroom, let alone digest or pray over what we've heard. I'll still be thinking about a lot of things for a few weeks afterward! Good thing I've taken some good notes. Here are a few of the most memorable quotes from today:

"Incompetence irritates me. Overconfidence scares me."
"In times of crisis, we think we need daring and bold decision makers, but we don't. What we need are leaders with humility."
~Malcolm Gladwell (I hope I quoted that correctly, I was fiercely scribbling to keep up!)

"Every bit of hesitancy in obedience is God beckoning you to deeper waters"
~Matt Chandler

"Sometimes its easy to get so consumed with what your building that you forget what you're becoming."
~Reggie Joiner, reflecting on a message by Rob Bell

"Grace makes everyone say, "I wish I had your dad."
~Francis Chan



Oh yeah, and I'm supposed to tell you to go to this site to try to get one of the conference Emcees, Lanny Donaho, onto the Jay Leno show. This guy is one of the most ridiculous, creative people I've ever seen. If anyone could come up with his own successful campaign to be on Leno, it's Lanny.

I'm a weaner...

... and not a terrible speller, as you might assume.

I'm not talking about Oscar Mayer.

Or Mr. Bean in Rat Race. (Please, oh please, tell me you get this... "Eet's a race! I'm weening!")

I'm talking about nursing. (Or not nursing, to be technical. So if that makes you uncomfortable, click on one of the other blogs on the list to the right. Kevin has finally put up some new photos of the day...)

I think last night was the last time I will ever nurse Little Sister. And if we really are finished with baby-ness, the last time period. I say "I think" because the hubs and I are out of town for a conference and my parents are staying with the girls (and dogs, lucky them). Because we were already down to one feeding a day, I am expecting my supply to go way down by the time I get back. Plus, it's a good time for her to get used to going to bed without nursing, because I won't be anywhere nearby to frustrate the efforts.

A part of me is relieved to have my body back to myself. To be able to be away from her for 24 hours and let someone else handle bedtime. To finally put away the ugly nursing bras. (TMI? I warned you...)

But the other part of me is sad. I'll miss the late night feedings, or the early morning cuddle sessions when we would both fall back asleep. I'll miss stroking her little curls or feeling her pat my shoulder while she drifted off to sleep.

It's not like this is unexpected. Big Sister stopped nursing at almost this exact same age. With Little Sis I was going to try to go 18 months, but this just seems like the right time. Still, I can't help but wonder: where did my tiny baby go? I remember feeding her for the first time in the hospital. How has the time gone by so fast?!

I liked nursing. I never had to make a bottle in the middle of the night. I only packed a few bottles when she went to the nursery, and even then she didn't take them so I stopped doing that, too. I saved hundreds of dollars on formula. I had an excuse to go off "alone" when the babe or I needed some down time. I lost pregnancy weight. I had quality time with my babies, from day one. And I had a surefire way to soothe & comfort them when they were hurt or scared or sleepy. I wouldn't know how to mother without nursing. Which frightens me when I think about our future hopes of fostering/adopting. It also saddens me to think that I may not ever nurse again.

Of course, weaning does make me start thinking about how big my girls have gotten, and how fast they've grown. And then it's easy to start having those "I do miss having a little baby" thoughts...




Quick! Time to pull out all of those insurance bills from 16 months ago. Someone send me a link about c-sections. And kidney stones. And temper tantrums. And teenage girls...

"Spiritual Abortion?"

Yes, I did put that particular phrase up there to get your attention. Did it work?

I was looking for a particular Keith Green song for Sunday, when I ran across a blog with an interesting passage from a publication he had written, called "What's Wrong with the Gospel?" I checked out the LDM website and found several written messages from Green about the church, missions, and heaven.

A few weeks ago, I watched as great conflicts erupted on a discussion forum as Christians and non-Christians all discussed salvation, evangelism, heaven and hell. Many hearts were shared, and many toes were stepped on. Some good for the Kingdom was (surely?) accomplished, as was (unfortunately) some not-so-good. The same can be said for recent discussions (and national news coverage) regarding a high school in our area and their scripture signs at football games. (That is a post forthcoming, as well...)

As someone who was raised in a fairly conservative Southern Baptist Church, attended a Baptist college, married a ministry student and is now an active church member and minister's wife, I have had my fair share of discussions about evangelism. I've definitely developed my own opinions about it all, some of which I will share more in depth another time.

In general, I am one of those people who thinks actions speak louder than words. I'm not a big fan of gospel tracts, drive-by witnessing, or guerrilla (spiritual) warfare. I've shared before about my passion for reconciliation, which includes trying to show Christ to people who have been hurt by the Church. This includes those who feel they are continually being targeted to be another "notch in the belt" of well-meaning Christians seeking to save them from themselves.

Let me be clear- I believe we all need Christ. But I also know there are many people who need to see more than another "Do you know for certain that you have eternal life?" pamphlet or hear more than another recitation of the ABC's of becoming a Christian or the Romans Road. (Let me say, though, that the ABCs and certainly the book of Romans are valuable tools- just perhaps sometimes over- or misused.) They have heard that they are going to hell so often, they start to believe that it couldn't possibly be any worse than attending church. They know what we have to say about their final destination, but they don't see us living in a way that proves ours.

What does this have to do with Keith Green? Well, for starters, he was passionate about missions. And he was someone who read the New Testament as a teen but still searched for truth, until he found what he was looking for at 21 and never looked back.

But his writing, "What's wrong with the gospel?" is very thought-provoking. There are some things that he says that sound very harsh. (He is as my husband says, very hard-core in his convictions.) There are some things he says that make a lot of sense, and some that make me react,"yeah, but..." Of course, God's redemptive work in a person's life is, in my opinion, completely, divinely unique, so none of the criticisms or suggestions he offers can apply to every situation or person. But this one, in particular, struck a chord with me. Especially after those recent discussions. And especially with such shocking terminology. See for yourself:

As you can see, when we try to picture Jesus Himself using our modern methods of evangelism, it seems completely foolish. I think this is a very good test for any method. "Could I see Jesus doing this?" or "Could I see Jesus preaching or teaching this?" Since the Bible tells us, "Walk in the manner that He walked" (I John 2:6), we should always try to compare our actions and message to the Master's.

It is obvious that there is no "set" sinner's prayer. There are many variations, with different lengths, different wordings, different endings, etc., but the contents are usually the same. The prayer usually includes phrases like, "Dear Jesus," "Come into my heart," "I admit I have sinned" (at least the better ones contain this last statement - there are some who do not even like to mention sin in their "sinner's prayer"), "Fill me with Your Spirit," "In Jesus' name. Amen." Extremely harmless . . . nothing wrong with a prayer like that, right? Wrong! It isn't the wording that's important, it's the state of heart of the one saying it.

I believe that a true "sinner's prayer" will gush out of anyone who is truly seeking God and is tired of being enslaved to sin. (Matt. 5:6) The very act of "leading someone in a prayer" is utterly ridiculous. You will find nothing even remotely like it in the Bible, or among the writings and biographies of those in Church history. It completely savors of crowd and peer pressure tactics, and (please forgive me) brainwashing techniques. I do not believe that Jesus wants to have His disciples "repeat after Me," I believe He wants them to follow after Him!⁴

Premature Birth

As with the altar call, the practice of having someone repeat a prayer with the minister probably originated from the best of intentions. And no doubt, there are those who have "followed through," continuing to pray and walk with God, entering into the path of righteousness through God's infinite grace. But also, like the altar call, the so-called "sinner's prayer" is one of those tools that make it alarmingly easy for someone to consider himself a Christian, when he has absolutely no understanding of what "counting the cost" (Luke 14:28) really means.

The greatest reason I believe that God can be grieved with the current use of such tools as the "altar call" and "sinner's prayer" is because they can take away the conviction of the Holy Spirit prematurely, before the Spirit has time to work repentance leading to salvation. With an emotional splash that usually doesn't last more than a few weeks, we believe we're leading people into the Kingdom, when really we're leading many to hell - by interfering with what the Spirit of God is trying to do in a person's life. Do you hear? Do you understand that this constitutes "spiritual abortion"? Can't you see the eternal consequences of jumping the gun, trying to bring to birth a baby that isn't ready?

We are so afraid that we'll see a "big one that got away," that we'd rather rush someone into a shallow decision, and get the personal gratification of seeing him "go down the aisle," than take the time to fully explain things to him, even if it takes long hours and nights of travailing prayer for his soul. We just don't "have the time" to do things God's way anymore.⁵

But God would rather see one true convert than an ocean full of "decisions." Oh, can't you see what a mess we're in? What we've done to the Gospel? And when those "converts" no longer want to fellowship with us, when they want to go back to their old friends and their old way of life, we have the nerve to call it "backsliding," when we stood in the very way of them ever "front-sliding" toward the cross! Oh, it breaks my heart to think of that awsome day when God will judge those who have "stumbled one of these little ones." (Mark 9:42)


Well, what do you think? Interesting idea, isn't it? There are many other thought-provoking points made in this publication, but I think it is best summed up with this:

Maybe I've gone a little too far to make a point, but I think the world is completely sick to its stomach with our sayings and "witnessing tools." It's time for us to be expressing the truth with our lives, and then the whole truth of God with our lips!

Amen.

Song for Sunday: Do we love Jesus?

JESUS

When we love the least
When we love the weak
When we love these
We love Jesus

Jesus brings a meal for tips
Jesus trying hard to quit
Jesus raising two alone
Jesus drives a heavy load

Chorus
When we love the least
When we love the weak
When we love these
We love Jesus

Jesus with worn wrinkled hands
Jesus sows a patch of land
Jesus hides a tattooed arm
Jesus keeping dinner warm

Chorus

Jesus waves a foreign flag
Jesus wrings a washing rag
Jesus leans on prison bars
Jesus swinging in my yard

Chorus

These lyrics and others by Shaun Groves are available for download at his website.While you're there, check out his blog Shlog.

Sing it loud, sing it strong...

"It's better when you sing a song..."

I absolutely love when they play this song on Sesame Street. It couldn't have come at a better time on this dreary, cranky morning at our house. I hope John Legend and Hoots brighten your day, too!

A list...

Thirty things to do in my next thirty years

1. learn to ski, surf & scuba
2. own a kayak (or a canoe)
3. grow my own veggies
4. be a foster mommy
5. travel the world
6. write a children's book
7. watch both (all?) of my children graduate from high school and college
8. get a bike (bicycle, not motorcycle. ha!)
9. learn a new language
10. be known for one (or more) special recipe
11. conquer clutter
12. learn to (really) dance
13. fall more in love with my husband and watch him grow
14. live someplace where I can walk to the store, the post office, the bank...
15. knit
16. watch my girls grow into their own beautiful, vibrant people.
17. read all of the books in the Barnes & Noble "Classics Library"
18. keep a beautiful garden escape
19. see my husband give away his girls and then officiate at their weddings
20. spoil grandchildren
21. treasure family traditions and lost loved ones
22. send more "real" mail
23. be a voice for those who can't speak up for themselves- children, animals, elderly, disabled
24. paint a Bob Ross picture with happy little trees
25. publish some of my devotions
26. be able to identify constellations, birds, trees, plants & flowers by sight
27. find the niche calling for me, and pursue it with all of my heart
28. hike the AT with my husband
29. accentuate the positive. eliminate the negative. Less drama, more living.
30. try every day to be more like Christ, and revel in His grace when I still don't measure up...