Pageants & watermelons...

One of the few places moms have to collect their thoughts and be alone is in the shower. Some days, when Hubby is home or my parents are visiting, I can turn a shower into a 30-minute luxury spa retreat (not very green, I know...). On other days, I hurry to get clean while frantically singing "The Wheels on the Bus" and peeking out of the curtain every few seconds hoping Little Sister will let me at least rinse the conditioner out of my hair before she completely unravels. There are lots of days in between these two extremes, when Little Sis plays sweetly in her baby papazan seat or when Big Sister watches a vhs tape on my bed, allowing me a quick (but quiet) shower. This was one of those days; Daddy & Big Sister were off to work & preschool, Little Sister was contently banging two toys together on the other side of the curtain, and my mind started racing (as it often does when it suddenly finds itself on respite from mommy duty.)

You know how it is- you start with one idea and it begins a strange thought chain that eventually brings you to something you haven't thought of in years. All I remember is I started thinking about the lip gloss Big Sister shared with me when she was getting ready for school, and suddenly I was thinking about a friend from college, and how she once fixed my hair for a pageant.

I know, right? I'm not exactly the pageant type. But at Georgetown there is a pageant called Belle of the Blue. Aside from poise & interviews & talent, they also take into account your year and GPA. My sorority nominated me more for my 4.0 than for my ability to wear a tiara. It wasn't a complete disaster, but it is one of those random things on which I look back & think "that was weird." I had to interview with the judges before the pageant. I learned an opening dance number with all of the other girls in which we wore flapper outfits. I sang Orange Colored Sky for my talent portion. And I answered a "current events" question in front of the audience. This is where my "shower thought chain" ended today- in what I call an "I carried a watermelon" moment (if you haven't seen Dirty Dancing... what is wrong with you?!)

I found myself remembering the answer I gave, and rewriting it as if I could do it over again. (I should note that my answer was not horrible, like this poor girl, but neither was it horribly thoughtful or insightful.) The emcee asked how we felt about requiring community service hours for graduation from public high schools. Most of us said that we thought community service requirements were a good idea. I recalled the hours I put in at Ursuline and how eye-opening they were. Decent answer. But nothing new.

Shortly after my turn, a girl answered differently. She said if your heart wasn't in it, you shouldn't be forced to do it. I don't know if it was the idea itself, the boldness of her answer, or the fact that it was finally different- something about her response made the crowd go crazy. Up until today, I've remembered that moment, and I suppose a part of me has regretted not answering "correctly." But the more I think about it, I realize that I still don't think her answer was the right one.

Growing up, I had to take "no-thank-you-bites" of everything on my plate. My parents wanted me to firmly grasp the idea that I would never know that I liked (or didn't like) something unless I gave it a try. Now that I am a mom myself, I know how frustrating it can be to get kids to try new things. Big Sister is the pickiest kid I know- she doesn't eat meat (except for cheeseburgers from McDonalds and the occasional Chikfila nugget) and she doesn't like many cooked veggies. Her diet consists mainly of some form of cheese (cream, shredded, cubed, puff -just seeing if you were paying attention!) or yogurt, fruit, and some grains. She will eat raw carrots, celery and broccoli, but in miniscule amounts. If she were lactose intolerant, I don't know what we would do.
I can't tell you how often I offer something truly wonderful to my daughter, only to have her refuse to even try it. Or worse- she takes it in her mouth, moves it around a bit, and then spits it back out without even actually tasting it- usually not into her napkin. Not only has she wasted delicious food, but she has made a mess as well!

Here's another example: Little Sister is 10 1/2 months old and still won't crawl. She gets on all fours and rocks back and forth. She even reaches for things, but then she flops back down onto her belly and rolls to get them. Rolling is what she knows. It's comfortable.

The truth is that as teenagers and adults our palates might mature, and hopefully we've gotten past the rolling around on the floor stage, but we're still scared to try new things. We seek the comfortable at all costs- whether it be ratty old sweatpants, air conditioning, a tried & true group of friends, ordering "the usual," the same town we've lived in all of our life, or something else. Trying something new is scary & hard, and those aren't exactly great PR words. It often takes a little push to get us to open up to a new idea or experience. Sometimes that push is just the desire for something new, but sometimes it might come from a loved one (or in effort to snag a loved one). Our parents, our spouses, our kids, and for believers the Holy Spirit, all stretch us and help us to leave our comfort zones. But sometimes we need even more of a push- like a carrot on a stick (a phrase which will forever conjure an image of Hattytown Tales in my mind.) For highschoolers, graduation credit is a big carrot. It can push you to do all sorts of things- even (gasp!) help someone.

Should community service be motivated solely for selfish gain? Of course not. But if a few teens actually have a good time painting fingernails in an Alzheimer's unit, even though they would never in a million years have come up with that idea on their own, it's worth it. In an ideal world, we would all pitch in to help in whatever way we can best be used, out of the kindness and love in our hearts, while Shiny Happy People plays in the background. But in real life, we don't want to. We're too busy. We're scared. We don't know what we're good at doing or where to begin. How can we expect teens to understand themselves well enough to know what they can do well? I'm almost thirty and still trying to start figuring that out.

Yes, in an ideal world, our actions would follow our pure motivations. But this is not an ideal world. It is a fallen one. And sometimes, our actions help to trigger our motivations. It's like the give and take in a relationship- sometimes I spend time with my husband because I love him. Sometimes I spend time with him because I should, and am reminded why I love him. The same thing happens with God. So why shouldn't it happen with serving God and His people? Sometimes we say the creed or pray the prayer or ladle the soup or hold the wrinkled hand because we love our God and His children. But sometimes we do it because we ought to, or because there is credit involved, and then we fall in love. The most beautiful result of all would be if we then went back to that same service after all credits had been handed out, just because it fits. Because we like it. Kind of like a favorite Bible verse- "taste and see!"

And THAT is what I wish I would have said.


And now, since this was a little heavy and laden with links, here is one final link to give your brain a break. While I advocate no thank you bites, this borders on freaky peer pressure. But its a catchy little song, and Big Sister likes it: YoGabbaGabba: Try It and here is an obligatory picture from the pageant. It's the talent portion- no way am I posting the flapper dress.