Who knows what they'll say next...

As I was tying Hannah's shoe the other day, she asked me a strange question. "Mom, what's a loadnose?" My first response was to ask her to repeat herself. Then I thought about the Spanish instruction she is getting at preschool every Thursday, combined with hundreds of episodes of Dora, and wondered if this was a matter of translation. I admitted to Hannah that I had no idea what a "loadnose" was, and asked her why she was asking. I can't remember word for word because she was explaining so quickly, but here is her response:

"You know, the other day when we were outside playing and you told me to watch where I was stepping and Sophie was eating something yucky in the grass. I said 'What is she eating?' and you said 'loadnose.' That kind of loadnose!"

I couldn't stop giggling as I tried to explain to her that what I really meant was that I had no idea what Sophie was eating, and aside from that mischevious dog only one person knew for sure: the Lord. Hannah giggled too. She's a pretty smart kid, and she's always loved vocabulary and funny phrases. I think she got it, but I can't be sure. Lord only knows.

Another Turkey Project

Today I ventured out to the grocery store with both girls. I was feeling very brave. Or stupid. I'm still not sure which. I always stop by the bank first and get a sucker to keep Big Sister occupied. Except today I left the sucker in the car in my mad dash to get Little Sister's carrier strapped on and make sure her little head was covered and her ankles weren't showing (not because of some Victorian-era purity code but because it was stinking cold!). Even without the candy entertainment, Big Sister did really well in the store. When she started to get impatient, we pretended the sucker was calling to her from the van. "Big Sister! You forgot me! I'm waiting! Only a few more aisles!" It was a silly yet effective distraction.

Aside from the milk, eggs and bread of which we were completely out at home, I had other important things on my list: ingredients to make the cutest (and tastiest) little turkey you've ever seen. So, after we made it out of the grocery store and I unloaded everything, Big Sister and I tried to put together the turkey. Okay, really, I tried while she watched. I didn't really have instructions, just a picture I had seen. I figured if it was too frustrating or a complete disaster, it was better to do a grown-up trial run first. I improvised on a few things, but it turned out pretty well. Until the head started slipping. After putting it back on about 5 times, I finally just handed it to Big Sis who had been salivating over the plateful of ingredients the whole time. She popped it into her mouth and then proceeded to dismantle and devour the rest of Mr. Turkey. It was quite a lot of sugar before naptime, but oh well. To her, this whole endeavor had been a huge success.

I am not so satisfied. I at least wanted a picture of my creation, or better yet: a plateful of cute little turkeys to put out for Thanksgiving. I don't know if it was the motion of the head slipping each time or what, but my camera simply wouldn't focus to document the creation. So I found a picture of what it might have looked like. Here it is:

And as a bonus, the site where I found this had great little tips that I missed by not having instructions. For instance, freeze the reese's cups and cut off the bottom to make it more level and (hopefully) prevent head slippage. I'll let you know if it works!

Baby, it's cold inside

We currently have no heat upstairs. Unless, of course you count the little heater/fan that I keep moving from room to room throughout the day. The other day, Big Sister wanted to play in her room while I got dressed. Since I am excited about any opportunity to get ready without company, I agreed and began the task of bundling her up to play in her room. Here is what we ended up with:

It started with a robe and warm socks, and then she found her hat & gloves. I'm not really sure how the lei or balloon scepter factored in, but did I mention I was really looking forward to getting dressed by myself? I let the eccentric accessories slide.

But then I stepped back and looked. Change that heater into a trash can bonfire, and cut the fingers off her little pink gloves, and Big Sister would pretty much fit the picture most of us have in our head of homeless people. What's even scarier, regardless of her clothing, Big Sis does look like many homeless people in the real world. Check out this statistic:

• The National Law Center on Homelessness and Poverty states that each year approximately 3.5 million unique individuals experience homelessness in America. 1.35 million, or 39%, of them are children. 45% of those children are under the age of 5.

Do the math really quickly and that means there are more than 607,000 homeless babies, toddlers and preschoolers. I think about how cold it is in the girl's room in the morning, and how much it concerns me as her mother to keep her warm and healthy. At least we have a roof over our head and a working heat unit downstairs. At least there is a part on its way that will help us to have heat once again. Others are not so fortunate.

We hear it all around us this time of year- calls for warm coats, space heaters, extra clothing, canned goods for a holiday meal, even toys for Christmas. I suspect most of us heed the call. But hearing it now, as a mommy trying to keep her own little ones warm, even temporarily, it's louder than ever. Here are some of my favorite links for collecting and offering assistance to the homeless. The first is local, the source of my statistic. The other two may be more familiar and are nationwide. Check them out:

Chattanooga Community Kitchen
Salvation Army
Goodwill

Regardless of how you feel about homelessness, joblessness, welfare or other economic issues in our country, children are innocent victims in all of this. I hope you'll join me in helping the least of these. After all, how can you say no to a face like this?

Crazy for Candy Corn

When I was little, the only reason I liked Candy Corn was to make goofy looking teeth. As an adult I like it, but I think that is due in part to my anticipation for all things autumn. And the fact that if you mix it with peanuts, it tastes just like a pay day. It's true.

Big Sister LOVES candy corn. Then again, she is not your typical kid when it comes to candy. Whenever people let her pick her own candy on Halloween she picked two things: tootsie rolls and smarties. You know, the cheap candy that's usually left over after the Snickers and other good stuff is gone. (I can't judge her too much, I actually picked those black & orange peanut butter kisses when I was a kid. I'm told now that NOBODY likes them.) Yesterday I was a part of two very entertaining scenes involving candy corn:

Act 1

Mom is nursing Little Sister, Big Sister comes in from the living room.

Big Sis: Mom, come on! It's Dora's birthday. Bring a present.
Mom: I'll be there in a second, after I finish nursing Little Sis

(Sound familiar? See previous blog entry "Wheels on the bus")

A few minutes later, mom scrambles for a gift for a doll, grabs something, comes in.

Mom: Happy birthday, Dora! I brought you some candy corn!
Big Sis: (grabbing it and stuffing it in her mouth) I'll eat that.
Mom: but it is Dora's present!
Big Sis: Yeah, but she doesn't have any teeth.
Mom: Oh, okay. Well, what did you get her?
Big Sis: Coasters.

Act II
Later in the day. Mom is once again nursing Little Sister. No, that is not all she does...

Big Sis: Mom, can I have some candy corn?
Mom: Yes, in a few minutes. Wait for me-
Big Sis: (pushing a chair over to the counter to help herself) Oh. I got it.
Mom: How did you get up there? Don't take too many.
Big Sis: (comes in the room with a mouthful, speaking muffly) I didn't. I'm just going to get five more. (starts to return to the kitchen)
Mom: No! You can have ONE more.

Big Sis returns with yet another mouthful of candy corn.

Big Sis: I got three more.
Mom: (beginning to have mean Mommy voice) [Big Sister!] I said you could have ONE more!
Big Sis: Ok! (returning to the kitchen to have just one more...)

As you can see, the girl is pretty serious about her candy corn. I think the relationship started out of curiosity from one of our favorite songs from Nick jr. last year. I know Halloween is over, but this is just for fun:

An elephant with more talent than me...

A friend of mine posted a video of an elephant painting. It sounds silly, like a circus act. But it isn't silly at all when you watch it. It's beautiful. The elephants at this center are rescue animals, lovingly trained to paint pictures that are then sold to help the rescue efforts. I have to admit, dork that I am, when I first watched it, I thought that the elephant was actually creating the picture, like trying to communicate... it made it a little cooler that way. But it is still pretty amazing to see that cute little trunk wielding a paint brush. If you have hundreds of dollars to invest in art and a good cause, one of these prints can be yours. Really. They are sold online at a fair trade store called Exotic World Gifts. Our little town has its own fair trade store, World Next Door, which is a fantastic place to shop for Christmas gifts. They have hundreds of other amazing products (including a small selection of cloth diapers, just had to throw that in) that are made and bought ethically in poor developing countries. I'm not sure if they have elephant paintings, but they do have paper made out of elephant poop! Seriously, they do.

Back to the painting. You have to click here to watch the video. It is amazing!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=He7Ge7Sogrk

Settle in, this is going to be a long one...

"For whatever you may think of me
Any thoughts you might allow
I am not who I would like to be, I'm just who I am right now
And if I caused you any pain
If the words I spoke weren't kind
I confess, repent and take the blame
Let's just leave it all behind
We are fragile everyone, we all long for something more
Things are said and things are done
And the pieces hit the floor - we are so fragile"

~from Fragile by Ralston Bowles

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Dr. Seuss

A week or so ago, someone found something on my facebook page to be offensive. It was not inappropriate language or anything like that. It was a group I joined, one created by my husband to make others laugh and inspire honest, thoughtful discussion in these politically charged times. The name of the group was somewhat perplexing, if not shocking, but once you read the description and posted items you would see it was total satire. While a presidential candidate was mentioned, it endorsed no political person or party. It was meant to bring to light the ridiculousness of misinformation on both sides of political discussions. Ironically, it did so in more ways than we ever intended.

Rather than seeing it for what it was (or even looking at anything other than the title, I suspect) someone took it seriously. And, instead of asking either one of us about it, they told others. When we found out about it, we were devastated. My husband was devastated because he has tried, as a minister, to walk that fine line of being an open and honest example of his faith lived out, while still trying to be respectful and private about politics and other divisive issues in the church today. I am proud of him for how well he walks that line; it is not an easy task.

I was devastated, too, but for different reasons. First, because I was finally starting to feel comfortable being who I am, and this was a setback in the process. See, for years and years I struggled with my faith and my convictions. I don't always look like the typical baptist or agree with everything those in my Bible Studies or Sunday School classes say. I've always had a passion for justice and mercy and the "least of these." I have been blessed with friends and family members who are not typically the kind of people you find in an evangelical church, and it has given me a unique understanding. I was challenged in my faith and service in college and came out of it (I believe) changed for the better. But, at the same time, it was not uncommon for me to be sitting in a church service or participating in discussion and hear something very hurtful about myself or my convictions. When we were first married and living in Birmingham, I had a crisis of faith. For one thing, I had just experienced the unexpected death of a man who was like my second father. But for another, all around me I saw Christians full of hatred for anyone not exactly like them in their walk with Christ. I had always considered myself a strong woman, not afraid to stand up for what I believe, but I sat in awkward silence as I listened to brothers and sisters in Christ declare others, and unknowingly sometimes me, lost. I was hurt and confused by those at my church. I felt unacceptable and out of place with God's people and couldn't reconcile or separate that from God Himself. It was hard to go to church and hard on my relationship with God.

Fortunately, there was a light at the end of the tunnel. God led us to some great families of faith and showed me amazing examples of wise, gracious believers in our last few months in Birmingham. Then, we moved to our present church, and it felt like a fresh start. Of course, we moved and had a baby and hit the ground running, so at first I barely had time to think at all, let alone contemplate my theological or political convictions. But as I've been studying and praying lately, I've realized the best thing I can give my girls is an example of a strong Christian woman living out her convictions. I love Big Sister's individuality and I want her to value who she is. That is something I can't tell her to do- I have to show her. So I have tried to be honest. When God uses me to teach, whether it be women or the children in our kid's worship time, I try my best to share what He tells me, what I see in His word. I share who I am and who God is making me to be. I am still not out to proclaim an agenda or advocate my political views- I doubt most of the people that know me best even know that I am- gasp!- a registered democrat. Because it is just one component of who I am.

But it is who I am. So this election season, I felt convicted to stop sitting uncomfortably when someone said something hateful about me. I didn't want to simply declare political views hapharzardly- that is divisive and leaves people uncomfortable, which was what I wanted to avoid in the first place. And I didn't want to enter into political debates and change people's minds, except about their ideas of who can be a Christian. I didn't seek out political discussion, but I grew tired of not returning to a mom's group or a Bible study because I was offended and felt too ashamed to share a different point of view. When friends on facebook made comments that said no one could be a Christian and a Democrat, I tried to offer them evidence to the contrary: me. That's all I've ever put out there- myself. It was nice to be honest. But it was also really hard. I trusted a lot of people with a part of who I am that I hadn't really shown before. And then someone took one look at one thing I said or did, and instead of being honest with me and voicing their disagreement, they told other people.

How many other people, I will never know. Have you ever walked through the halls of your own church wondering who is judging you behind their "Sunday Morning Smile?" I have, on more than one occasion. I suspect it is what it felt like to be Zachaeus or Mary Magdelene or even John the Baptist. I also suspect it is how thousands of churchgoers feel each week- either because they are visitors or fringe members, or because they feel ashamed of something they have done, or they feel ashamed because of something someone in the church has done to them. Either way, it doesn't much feel like the body of Christ. That was the second reason this whole thing was so devastating to me: I feel like someone broke the trust that I placed in them, not only as a "facebook friend" or a friend of a facebook friend, but also as a fellow believer in Christ. Jesus is very clear about how to handle disagreements with other believers (Matthew 18), and I trusted that the people I love, with whom I have tried to be upfront and honest, would be the same to me.

I still want to trust. If I go back to hiding who I am, no one will win. I thought about editing my friend list on facebook, but I don't know who hurt me in this situation, and I've come to the point where I don't want to know. If you were that person, its ok. At least I've gotten a (hopefully) insightful blog entry out of it. I am going to keep being me, hopefully encouraging, entertaining and challenging but not offending. But please, if I ever say or do something that concerns you, tell me. If I say something that you don't understand or that doesn't seem right, ask me. I'm not perfect, I have a lot to learn, and I need correction and accountability. I've got a lot of growth yet to come. We all do. And we need the church, the body of Christ, to be a safe place as we go through the joys and pains of growing together and as individuals. I can think of no better place to discover and love who we are.

Mommy-Daughter Time

You can learn a lot about a family from a three-year-old. Take the poem she made up today:

"Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a DOGGIE
who sat down beside her
and TRIED TO EAT HER TOE!!"

Can you tell we have a crazy puppy at our house that is likely to chew up anything? Big Sister has lost more than a few toys after leaving them out for Sophie to find.

The other day I caught another glimpse into life through my preschooler's eyes. My mom was in town and she was singing The Wheels On the Bus. Ever the creative child, Big Sis started adding new verses: "The Nana on the bus says lets play a game," etc. Then she sang, "The mommies on the bus say 'just a second I have to feed the baby." My heart sank. I know I say that quite often- nursing can be very time consuming. But I didn't realize that if Big Sister had to summarize our interactions into one verse of song, that would be it. It was time for some intentional time with my big girl.

First, I tried to stop trying to get things done while Little Sister naps, and instead spend some quality time with my big girl. Next, one evening after preschool I took Big Sister to the mall. I know it might sound lame, but playing on the indoor playground and riding the silly (and expensive) coin operated rides are right up there on her list of favorite things to do. We also stopped by and got a new outfit for her build-a-bear friends. Here is a picture of Big Sis enjoying our night out:


Today I had another chance to take advantage of the time Big Sister and I get alone. I recently got a book of devotions for preschoolers and today we read the first one together. It was about having everything we need (just in time for the holidays) and Big Sister said, "Some boys and girls don't have food or clothes." We talked about how God wants to take care of them, too, and maybe he wants to do that by asking those of us who have more than enough to share what we have. We discussed this over lunch, and she was eager to put it into practice- she kept trying to give me bites of her banana. We also made a cute Thanksgiving turkey together. I still had to clean up the lunch mess and nurse the baby and all sorts of other things, but I also had a great time with my little girl. I hope she sees that. I hope she had fun too. I hope she writes a new verse for The Wheels on the Bus soon!

Catching up...

It has been a loooong time since I've blogged (I mean before yesterday. ha!) so I've got lots to catch up on. First, we've shared some really sweet family moments this fall. The weather has been absolutely beautiful, and Big Sister has been able to do so much more this year to enjoy autumn. Here are a few of my favorite fall photos:








My favorite photo of the season is our annual fall family photo. This year we had to take a really narrow, windy road up the mountain. I gripped the side of my seat and tried to keep from getting sick while Big Sis kept reassuring me- "it's okay, mommy. I like this road." But in the end, the view was worth it. See the picture of Big Sis & Daddy checking it out above. And here is our family picture. Aren't we cute?

Keaton Update!

Hooray! Our sick kitty is MUCH better. I know this for a number of reasons. For one, she has been off of her feeding tube and eating on her own for two weeks now. For another, she has stopped hiding under the bed and peeing in strange places. And lastly, she is now back to knocking things over in attempts to climb into windowsills and otherwise making it sound like there is an elephant on the loose in our house. Other than the poodle-esque hair do from all of the places they had to shave for IVs and such, she looks much better.

Of course we are relieved to have her back to normal, and we are also relieved to be finished with hour long tube feedings all day long. I gained such an appreciation and sympathy for caregivers of sick family members during this ordeal. Our situation, though expensive and time consuming, was only temporary and, let's be real, for a cat. My heart breaks for parents who are tending to their children this way, or wives their husbands, or whatever the case may be. Add on top of that the worrying about how to afford to take care of them and it would seem almost too much to bear. I'll be saying a special prayer for the people I know who are dealing with this and for God to show me how I can help. After all, I've got a lot more free time now that I don't have to tube-feed a cat!